Its 3:30 in the morning and I am standing at the same
crossroad I was
standing at a little over a week back. Well to be more precise it has
been exactly a week but somehow that doesnt sound
quite as flowery...
It is cold out here as I stand shivering trying to recollect the circumstances
that have brought me back to where I am currently -
standing by the road on a
cold March morning.
Just a week back as I stood on this same juncture - a juncture not only in the
physical domain but also in the mental, I knew exactly where I was going
and how I was going to get there. The plans were chalked out and sealed in
a bond that none could break, or so I thought, the green signal given. The
future lay waiting for me and I was all set to drink life to its lees - no more,
no less.
A little over a week later I am not so sure anymore. The cup ran dry even
'fore my lips had brushed the sparkling rim, the plans lay in tatters
crushed beneath the overbearing futility of my actions. Or so it seems.
It isnt quite what I expected as I set out on this journey full of dreams,
hopes, ideas and aspirations. All she had said was 'When all else fails, stop
for a moment and look inside you. It is there in the depths that you shall find
true hope and with it meaning. I can be there for only so long.'
I didnt quite get what she meant then, brushing it aside as just another one
of her idealistic meanderings.....
But somehow something resonates in me everytime I recollect those words.
They have started to mean something, and no matter how vague my own interpretation
stands as of this moment I beleive it is time to be pro-active, time to take action.
I have peered into the depths and seen a force that I didnt know could exist specially
in someone like me.
Earlier this morning I was wishing someone would blind-fold me and turn me round and round
and round till I didnt quite know which way I was facing, much less know which way was up
or down. And when I would stop spinning and my head stop reeling from the agitated
circular movements that my body had just been subjected to I would take the path that
lay ahead of me, not a single glance either left or right.
Somehow I dont think that is the way to go now. That path isnt for me, never was.
Thank you
for everything.