This is a short
story, one that i hope is still not finished.
Its about me and the girl i saw some time ago in my office. I have been working at this place for the last two years( it is a software company) and she just joined two months back..
Now here was a girl so very different from others. She was very shy and even her team mates were dying to hear her speak. Yet she exuded a certain confidence which is rare even in good speakers. In short i liked her. So what do i do. I start following her in a way that would make it look coincidental.
I knew when she would come to wait for the cab and i would be right there on time. I just liked looking at her. Once she was standing alone. I made up my mind to go and talk to her and just when i started towards her enters my friend Ravi. Oh! i would never forgive you Ravi.So here again my chance was lost.
This continued for some time. I who had lost all interest in the stupid work started coming on time so as overlap my office hours with her. I changed the lunch timing of the team so that we could go at the same time as her teams. But i was also getting impatient now. I had seen her looking at me few times (or was i just imagining) and badly wanted a conversation with her.
A few weeks later a got a call from other company inviting me for an interview to their city. A few months ago i was desperately trying to get into this company but this time i was not that enthusiastic, but still i went ahead with the interview. Life has a way of coming up with the most unexpected at times. During the whole interview i was thinking about her and not answering the questions as well as i should have.
I got selected.
Two days later i resigned. Five days later it was my third last day in my office. Suddenly i realized that after some days i may never ever see her again. I was very sad and again started finding opportunities to talk to her. One day
when i was leaving for home and waiting in the lobby for the lift i saw her coming towards me. She was also leaving for the day.
Here was my chance to talk to her. Yes, i repeated to myself that i had to talk to her. Now she was just a few paces from me. The lift door opened. Thank God it was empty. I entered the lift and pressed the open button for her to enter the lift. I waited. She just walked by and took to stairs.
I was crushed. But there was still hope. I can catch her at the portico where everybody waited for the company cab. I reached there before her( i was in lift ..remember?) There were six to seven people already waiting for the cab. I went and stood at a little distance from others leaving space on both sides for her to come. She did come , threw a casual glance at me and stood far away from me squeezing herself between two other people. This was really unbearable. Now i was sure she was trying to avoid me..what else could be the reason. I was also sad that she felt uncomfortable because of me.
I was very disturbed and very sad. Went home in a daze and wrote her a mail saying i how much i liked her and how sorry i was if i had made her uncomfortable and it would be great if she could meet me. I also asked her to at least reply the mail even if she did not want to meet me.
All i could do now was wait. Nothing happened next day. The next day was the second last day of mine. In the morning i completed all the relieving formalities and was sitting reading the newspaper when that sinking feeling that i may never ever see her again came to me. I became very uneasy. Thats when i decided that i would talk to her that day only.
I kept reading the paper and started waiting for her. She was just not leaving the office. I really had no idea what was i going to say to her. I only knew this was my last chance to talk to her and tell her. She came out, i dropped the paper and walked to her :
Me: Hi S .. I am A can i talk to you for 5 minutes?
Her: (Thinking : oh my god that jerk again) Mm..talk ? ...OK...
Me: I mean some other p..place ..maybe stairs...
Her: Other place?? ok stairs.
Me: Ok... (opens the door to the stairways..what to say now??.. i wanted to talk to her...gulp spit to let some air in ... keep looking at the groung to prevent her seeing my frightened puppy eyes...) Um mm..i i i ..ok let us reach downstairs...then we will talk...
Her:(what a jerk god)..hmm.
(we reach downstairs)
Me: I liked you since the first time i saw you...did u get my mail...
Her: Ya i did A...but i really never noticed you..(white lie)and there is no question of avoiding me..
(now this really hurts when some girl does not hates you but is totally oblivious to your very existence)....
Also A ..I am engaged already(standard girl response to make the guy disappear...I do not pay heed to this..But i am also shaking by this time)
Me: I am sorry if i made you feel bad or anything ...Its just that i wanted to talk to you as i am leaving the company...
Her: ( Same lines as above about not knowing me)...I really do not talk to strangers.
Me: I understand..Anyway nothing much to say( what a duffer i am when i had million other things to say...like we can get to know and all that ..)
Her: OK best of luck for the new job...
Me : thanks for talking ...bye
Her: Bye..
Now what are my feelings after this encounter...anger towards myself or towards her? frustration ?...No surprisingly it was a relief. Somehow i felt that by talking to her i had lifted a weight of my heart. Some time in my later life when i look back at all this i would not regret that i could never ever talk to her. Yes , it could have gone better but that is not the point. The point is that i was sincere with myself and my feelings , even if i was bit selfish. She might think of me as a fool and a loser but the fact is that in my own opinion i did what my mind thought was right and what was acceptable to the heart.. The void still remains but the ache will be less when i think about this all. She is now a good friend of mine and maybe her side of the friendship is more of magnanimity than real friendship but i am happy with myself.