A Beginner's Guide to Self-Restraint

Step one

Take a length of string, and lay it straight in front of you. Take the left end, and curl it round to cross over the string, about one quarter of the way along. Take the long right-hand trailing length. Fold it in two, and poke the resulting loop through the main loop formed by your first manoeuvre. Now close that first loop around the second by pulling on the two ends of the string, while keeping hold of the second loop and being careful to ensure that the relative positions of the loops and ends are not disrupted. You should now have a slip-knot, positioned about halfway along the string. Check you've followed these instructions correctly by pulling on the ends of the string - the slip-knot should slip unknotted, leaving you with a pristine length of string. Repeat until you have a centrally positioned slip-knot.

Step two

Insert your hands into the loop, palms together, with the knot itself directly between and in front of your hands. Grasp one of the trailing ends with a hand, and try pulling. If nothing happens, try the other one, or the other hand, until you find the combination which tightens the knot. Pull it as far as you can, tightening the slip-knot around your wrists as tight as it will go. Please note that during these and subsequent contortions, it is of vital importance that you use only your hands to manipulate the string. Do not attempt to use your mouth or teeth.

Step three

You should now have your wrists held firmly against each other, but with little real friction to prevent you pulling them apart. Correct this by tying simple knots between the two trailing ends, pulling them tight down to the slip-knot. Tie only one knot for now, and not so tight you can't undo it.

Step four

Undo the knots and free your hands. Repeat the steps a number of times, until you can perform them blind.

Step five

Make the slip-knot as in step one. Find some cloth to serve as a blindfold, and wear it. Perform the self-restraint as above, but this time with your hands behind your back. Pull the knots in step three down as tightly as you can, and make enough that you're sure you'll have no chance of undoing them.

Congratulations. You are now fully restrained. Avoid stairs.