Dear financial aid check,
You still aren't here, and I'm starting to get very worried. As much as I would like to sell a kidney to cover rent, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in this state. Please show up soon.
Worried,
Andro
Dear Squirrels,
Get out of my goddamned attic. And if I catch you nesting in my spare comforter, so help me Jeebus, I’m leaving salmonella-tainted peanut butter up there. I had to listen to you scampering all over my room when I was a kid, feel you climbing over me while I laid in bed, listen to the ones that got trapped in the wall behind my desk scratch futilely at the wood until they died. I'd rather not repeat any of those experiences, thanks.
Annoyed,
Andromache
To the open gash in my ceiling that is currently leaking.
GO AWAY. THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME YOU’VE COME BACK. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME. WERE MY ASSHOLE, INCOMPETENT LANDLORD NOT ON VACATION, YOU WOULD NOT BE HERE, BECAUSE I WOULD BITCH AT HIM UNTIL HE ACTUALLY FUCKING DID SOMETHING RIGHT, FOR ONCE.
Angrily,
Andromache01
To my major depressive episodes,
O hai, I see you’re back. Please don’t get me kicked out of school again. Could you maybe, say, go away? And possibly not come back, ever? I know that's asking a lot, but I'd really appreciate it.
Yours and you know it,
Jen