I used to judge you based on which songs you'd play on Guitar Hero 3 (fiction)

Back in the day, playing with plastic guitars was a thing and it sold like pancakes. I was fortunate enough to jump into Guitar Hero 3 before many of my peers and, owning to the fact that my brothers and I were sharing the same savefile, we collectively beat the game and entered into competitive mode between ourselves in a few afternoons.

Also, I was young and foolish,¹ and I had recently switched from studying Biochemistry at the State University to an Environmental Engineering program at the State Polytechnic, 1st generation. This meant that the first year or so I had virtually no academic struggles. Since my grades were good and I was reading a lot in my commute, the next logical thing for a 21 year old kid was to spend lots of time playing video games.

With time I became good at the game. «Good» in the sense that I had most of the records on Hard difficulty on our savefile. «Good» in the sense that I was beginning to memorize entire songs so I could play with my back to the TV. «Good» in the sense that I wasn’t struggling with anything else in my life at that moment.

One of our friends lived across the street from the University and we would usually gather there for studying sessions. I would show up with my work already done so I could play GH3 while «helping» my peers with their homework. It took a good while for me to realize how arrogant I seemed, not only playing while my friends worked, but also urging them to play only the «good» songs in the game, regardless of their ability or interest.

I haven’t played any kind of guitar-based videogames in almost a decade. My life also got real in the sense that proper struggles caught up with me to remind me how good I had it and to teach me to stop with these silly judgments on others. In order to fully atone for my mistakes, I’ll present to you a sample of what used to cross my mind back then. Maybe self-humilliation is the way to really take in this lesson.

1. Starting Out Small

This category was entirely for newbies. Choosing a song from this set after playing the game a few times meant you were some sort of coward.

2. Your First Real Gig

Good for you if you chose to rock out to Alice Cooper, actually! Also, I used to respect you a little bit more if you chose to play “Barracuda” on higher difficulties, mostly because you needed to strum faster and in rhythm. You also got brownie points for deliberately battling any boss.

3. Making the Video

Points for you if you chose The Who, because back then I thought almost no one knew who The Who were. Playing “When You Were Young” was only for posers, “Paint It Black” was for pros.

4. European Invasion

“My Name is Jonas” was also for cowards: why else choose a song with such simple rhythm? It was all da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da. Over and over again. Even more, choosing it over Pearl Jam, over Black Sabbath was a crime against music itself. You got brownie points for knowing who the Sex Pistols were (see the note above about The Who)

5. Big House Blues

Despite being the bonus song, “Welcome to the Jungle” was also for posers who said they liked “classic rock”. True Players would choose “Rock You Like a Hurricane”, “Same Old Song and Dance” and “La Grange”, in that order, in the highest difficulty.

6. Hottest Band on Earth

Picking anything on this set, with the exception of “Cherub Rock” would be a test of your abilities and good taste. These were a rite of passage, the first “real” songs to become good at GH3

7. Live in Japan

Pick “Knights of Cydonia” to train stamina, mostly at the end when you have to play many triplets over and over, and then repeat the last riff 20 times or so. Playing “Stricken” or “Cult of Personality” were signs of a mature player.

8. Battle for Your Soul

Playing these with anything less than 4 buttons² would make you an instant poser who wanted to show off. Additionally, when playing “Cliffs of Dover”, you had to use hammer-ons, or else you would be playing incorrectly.

Why did I think that? No idea. I measured your self by my own standards. You were good only if you liked what I liked and if you played what I played. I regret those silly actions and the hurtful things I said. If nothing else, I learned a lesson from a videogame, even if it came a little too late.

THE IRON NODER CHALLENGE XII: WE'LL RUST WHEN WE'RE DEAD

1. I am marginally less fool now, for those wondering

2. If I recall correctly, this meant “Medium” difficulty