(idea) by baffo Wed Sep 13 2000 at 1:37:59
Watch out for:
  1. No punctuation at all the story just rolls on the writer thinks he is James Joyce but clearly he is not
  2. e.e. cummingitis, namely lack of uppercase letters
  3. vast groups of sex-crazed nymphettes
  4. vast groups of people with incredible sex drive, a lot of money, very successfull lifes
  5. conveniently placed tropical islands: having no natives, no government and no presence in maps, they are uniquely fitted as sets for bad porn.
  6. magic sex-change devices, like an enchanted ring, a magic bra ...
  7. excessively focused obsessions. Obsession is good, but if a story starts like this:
    "Pens. Ooooh, pens. I really like pens, I thought, as Miss Penworth strutted in front of me, wearing a shirt in pen-blue, pencil trousers and carrying a box brimming with two hundred pens. Pens turn me on, I can't stop thinking about pens, pens, pens !"
    just dump it, even if you have a pen fetish.
  8. Cute author names (read about it in my How to have sex with a dolphin rant).
  9. If nothing exciting appears in the first four minutes of reading, you can safely assume that the author gave in to literature. He fancies himself Marcel Proust (or maybe James Joyce). He will spend hours and hours of your valuable time stumbling through the groundwork of characters. There is a possibility he will even eschew sex at all.
    Let us face it: if you got the file from HotInternetFreePorn.com, it means that you want the dildos, the buttplugs, the lesbian sex kittens and, generally speaking, the pr0n thing.
    So scratch the file, and go re-read The Man without Qualities.
  10. Character description consists entirely of numbers: "John appeared in the doorway, his 10" cock gently waving in the morning breeze. He stretched his manful, 6 ft 4" body and said 'Duh'.".
  11. Hard bodied youngsters doing hot and sweaty work in the backyard as the horny neighbor (male or female) watches them, subsequently inviting them over for a glass of iced tea, and finally rutting for hours of glorious, amazing sex.
  12. Physical impossibilities, like a ponygirl wearing a buttplug and a gag for one week.
I like it! 2 C!s