Facilities Management
Please Post and Distribute
Pets Control Policy
We would like to remind you of the pet control policies currently in effect
at
CMU.
- No animal larger than a calf will be considered a pet for the purposes
of CMU Facility Management. We regret to say that even heraldic animals fall
within this rule.
- All pets should be properly insured.
- It is the pet owner's responsability to provide the pet with food, water and
whatever is necessary to its welfare.
- The presence of the pet must not cause inconvenience, especially in the
case of allergic reactions, to the people that share the office space with the
pet owner.
Interaction
In many cases pets interact either in a prey-predator
relationship or in a
male-female relationship. The owners of pets that could fall prey to other pets
should make sure that the security of their pet is not compromised.
In particular,
the owners of small rodent pets (
gerbils,
hamsters, white mice ...) should check
with their floor manager whether there are already
cats or birds of prey in
the building.
Of course, cat owners should do the same regarding
dogs and other animals that have
a known incompatibility with cats (
goats,
turtles,
snakes ...).
Prey-predator interaction
In case a prey-predator interaction occurs, neither CMU nor the predator owner
will be responsible for the outcome, unless it is provable that there was maliciuos
intent in the chain of actions that led to the interaction.
In case the interaction produces waste, such as offal, a
cleanup intervention can be
arranged with Facility Management.
Breeding interaction
Male-female interaction that occur among pets on the campus grounds will be dealt with
according to the Carnegie Mellon University Policy Against
Sexual Harassment. Pet owners
are advised to keep a record of pet consent, or,
faut de mieux, owner's.
As it is customary, the
Dean will have
pick of the litter.
CMU Facility Management services
The pet owner can arrange,
for a small fee, the removal of pet waste. To this end,
contact Facility Management. We regret that delivery of
pet food is not currently
within our plans, even if this policy may be revised in the future.
Pets that fall without the definition set forth above
The presence on campus of animals that fall outside the previous bounds is disencouraged.
In particulare, Facility Management cannot provide
waste removal for large herbivorous
animals: this is a responsability of the owner.
Should any exceptional measure be necessary for the management of animals that are not considered
pets, it will be billed to the pet owner, including veterinary and hunter charges.
Pets that shouldn't be kept on campus
The following pets are considered not appropriate for campus:
- Purple assed babboon
- considered unsightly
- Wombat
- loves mud
- Great cat cub (lion, tiger, puma ...)
- cute now, but what when it grows up
- Killer bee
- possibility of allergic reactions
- Giant vampire gerbil
- considered silly
- Dwarf elefant
- trumpets loudly, even if it is cute
- Striped anteater
- difficulties in food supply
- Poisonous snakes (some)
- negative interaction with the cassowaries
- Snark
- mythical: probably RSPCA protected
- Thunderhamster
- generates dangerous vibrations
- Tie
- makes hackers nervous
- Black pudding
- requires special containment area
- Mesopotamus
- probably extinct (if it ever existed)
- Syzzygian grunphgroughan
- difficult spelling
- Giant black slug (man eating variety)
- known to harm office furniture
- Horned fire demon
- Pittsburgh city and Allegheny county safety regulations
- Unicorn
- negative interaction with the Lion
- Wide-eyed fluffy white cuddly bunny
- excessively cute
- Ever-angry grizzly bear
- well, that's quite OK actually
I wrote this as an April Fool when I was at Carnegie Mellon University