Sometimes, the
noise in my head becomes too loud to
ignore. It is always there, varying in
strength, sometimes deafening and at other times like the
soft hum of a generator. This noise is made up of
random thoughts which converge in specific areas of my
brain and move on to others quickly, like
fireflies flickering, interfering but
beautiful.
This noise is what causes me to forget birthdays, to tap on my desk in class, to experience the constant inability to focus for more than five minutes, to fidget, to jump from topic to topic in conversations, to disrupt, to lose interest in tests and draw word searches in my answer space, to never sleep.
Last night the noise was louder than ever. I knew I would not sleep. So I didn't. For the first time in my life, I embraced the noise, I welcomed it. I accepted it as part of myself and it became beautiful. I felt all emotions at once and flew from thought to thought, embracing the randomness of quiet moments when they came my way. I vowed to myself that I would learn to live with the noise, not against it, and this is what I'm doing today. From this decision, I have come to the final realization that nothing is certain, nothing is real and everything is beautiful.