For Anna…
Sometimes we say things that we just don’t mean. The words just sort of tumble out of your brain and down through your mouth and the minute you said them the feeling of regret sets in. Maybe you had a shitty day at work, maybe your emotions got the better of you, maybe the bill collectors and other sorts of barbarians are beating down your door and the pressure mounts like the steam that builds up in a pressure cooker just looking for release. Then before you know it, BAM! The sting of your words echoes in somebody’s ears and it takes a helluva lot of work to take them back.
I forget exactly what it was that I said but I’ll never forget the incredulous look on her face. It was like a mixture of surprise, hurt and disappointment all rolled into one. It was as if someone punched you in the stomach. Then there was the running upstairs and the slamming of doors and the muffled sobs coming out of the room. After that, to make matters even worse, there was the stubborn silence that ensued when I asked you to come downstairs and we faced off against each other like two boxers circling each other in the ring, each of us waiting for the other to make move so we could somehow counter it.
I forgot what finally broke the silence, I know we talked it over and on the surface, things seemed fine again but there’s always an undercurrent of emotions that you keep to yourself. Let’s not let it boil over.
Most scars heal. Most memories fade away over time. Given the circumstances, we’ve had a pretty good run up to now. Let’s not blow it just yet, it’s way too soon.
So we're okay, we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two
Excerpt from the Indigo Girls fine tune called “Power of Two”