There is

only one person

that I have said "I love you" to, and meant it. In fact, I feel like saying it to him, shouting it out rather loudly, so that he can hear me right now.

I find it hard to believe that after months of separation, I can still hardly hold back the tears at the thought of his name....

And how something as simple as a song on the radio, or a drawing / web page from him, or an old letter or article of clothing gets me teary-eyed (instantly).

I want to write him a letter, paint him a mural, sculpt him a statue... to form something of significance. And yet everything that is going on in my life makes it look like I don't care... like I am cheating on him. I am actually only cheating myself out of spending time with him, since I already pay attention to him in my thoughts at least once a day.

I desperately yearn for some sort of conclusion to this never-ending torment and questioning... I hope it will come to me soon.