April 9, 2001 (idea)

I'm trying to decide at the moment what I want to do with my university career. I enjoy what I'm studying, but the problem is that I just can't do any of it. I don't feel capable of studying, and especially incapable when it comes to taking exams. I've already had to resit one year of my degree, and I'd really like to just get a degree. Problem - I don't think I can do it. I've had 4 modules this year for my course, and if it comes to taking exams in June I think I might manage to pass maybe one, or two but badly. I definitely don't think I can pass all of them well. Of course, if I pass but with low marks then the university will be hesitant about letting me onto Honours.

I want to do an honours degree, and then a PGCE so I can teach, I can do a PGCE without honours first but I'd like to do it. There's a huge but though...

If I stop now, and withdraw for a year, to come back and take just exams next year then will I feel the inclination to do it in 12 months time? If I try to pass and I fail will I feel worse?

Basically it all comes down to a question of motivation. If I knew I could do it now then I would, but I don't have the confidence. It's extremely irritating as I know that I am capable of doing it, I just can't right now. I think I'm going to have to email my Director of Studies, even though I don't particularly like him, and ask him what he would advise me to do - seeing as how it's his job to do things like that.

Thanks for listening, I know I'm just rambling a bit but we're allowed at times :) Trying to think through family stuff as well, but that can wait for another rant...