Desperate man! Need help!
I haven't had a chance to communicate with valuable and assertive internet friends due to complications with my trying to get right the situation with Dale's wife who is by all rights my girlfriend due to flirtations with your friend Behr and the placement of Behr's private issuances upon a serving tray used for holiday delivery of deviled eggs to hungry Christmas Eve party guests. Finally there has been a break in disturbing action surrounding these events and other events so I can update you and ask you for your help!
I had hoped that leaving former friend Dale a CD upon which was recorded the song "Purple Rain" by international recording star Prince would keep him from doing the wrong thing, which would be involving law enforcement type persons in our little affair, which should have simply been a matter of me taking Dale's wife (who is in a loveless marriage with Dale) and making her be Behr's girlfriend (where much love would be made by force if necessary) but Dale had to involve the police, which was sad in and of itself. My friend Chopper and me had brought Dale's wife back to Behr's home, where we were met by other associates of Chopper's, a man the name of Bruce, who wears a lot of sleeveless shirts and has muscular but very hairy, and I mean very, very hairy, arms. He talks a lot about things like "that guy I fucked last week" and "that pansy I killed at the bar in 1978" so I don't know what to make about Bruce except he is crazy. We also had in attendance someone Bruce and Chopper call "The Slow Kid" who is their driver when they need a getaway, because although he is apparently slow in many ways, he drives very fast and in a proactive way. From talk I hear he wants to drive in NASCAR but cannot due to long criminal record.
We had to get out of the house, Chopper, Bruce, The Slow Kid and me. The police were surrounding the place and demanding to know about the status of Dale's wife. They were wanting to plea bargain with your friend Behr, who was in the right in this situation, so negotiating with terrorists, who the police had become, was something I was unwilling to do. So, with The Slow Kid at the wheel we all piled into Bruce's 1970 Ford Thunderbird, the "Thunderbird of Thunderbirds" with Dale's wife and headed out to the western part of the state of Virginia where there is no law to speak of and where we could be free to live right and good lives.
We stopped at a Burger King, and this is where my new friends turned on Behr. I was forced to take off my pants and go into the Burger King without pants as part of something Bruce found funny since there was a sign about "No shoes, no shirt, no service." My stuff was hanging in the wind and Bruce and The Slow Kid taunted me and Bruce pointed a semi-automatic weapon at me and insisted I go inside, with it all hanging out, order a five-piece chicken tenders from the dollar menu, along with a chocolate shake and not come out until I had made these very specific purchases. I could not refuse, and so I went in, placed my order, and cried as I asked them not to call the cops since the police were already involved and there is no real law to speak of in western Virginia anyway, so any lawman who was called would likely have been something akin to a Dennis Weaver character who would have his own ideas about what to do about a man with no pants on trying to order a shake and chicken tenders at Burger King.
Dale's wife was still tied up and gagged, and Bruce was doing things to her that made Behr want to remind him that she was Behr's girlfriend, but with his hairy arms and the way he made her suck on his gross fingers made Behr so angry he could not talk. And then the semi-automatic weapon was shown again. Behr was not allowed to put his pants on, although he almost had a chance to until The Slow Kid started yelling about "Erection Patrol," which meant something to these people who I was no longer quite sure were my friends or not but some discussion would be required to make any kind of serious determination on that front.
We stopped at a cafe so Bruce and Chopper could drink coffee laced with whiskey and I saw there was a computer terminal available with internet access so I am writing this now. I am in western Virginia and things are getting out of control. Thank God I had enough time to put links in this daylog! Someone help me. Preferably a lady with nice cans.