I see some of you are not behaving yourselves. Your lack of obedience is unwarranted and unattractive. The ladies won't be CLIMBING into your jeans if you keep it up. Just saying.
Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling, psychiatrist possessed by the dark spirit of your lord, Friend Behr.
Can you imagine how much seepage would be coming out of a PLASTIC BALL that was not airtight if you put WATERY OATMEAL in it? Can you? Think about it. FOR A LONG FUCKING WHILE.
I am interested in you. I really am. Call my number. Come to my home office where we can be comfortable and talk. Really talk. Open up to me in ways you've never opened up to anyone before. BECAUSE I AM TRUSTY.
Watery oatmeal is gross. You people eat that shit? Regularly? God.
I bet you are a gentleman at home and a fucking lunatic when you are out at the strip club or the TRACK. Makes me sick. People like you. Open up to someone. Open up to me. Trusty. As previously stated.
A lot of gross tonnage can come out of a man's ass if you don't toilet him regularly. When we break the legs of the he-men and reduce them to quivering sperm donors, then we will be able to show others the way. To Utopia and beyond! Thank you for your service.
We all have a lot of plans we hope can be filled as we move forward through life. Mine have CHANGED since I encountered Friend Behr. He's changed me. Really changed me. I love the idea of hurting people. With my MIND. I will come to a nodermeet SOON. You will not know it is me! Stethoscope! We all want to be a world famous nut case. I've seen that movie. The nut case has all the fun. Good times. Time to TEAR THIS MOTHER A NEW ONE! Oh yes IT IS! The vengeance of The Lord Behr is not easily SKIRTED. Fancy pants.
I like talking about this and that with someone. How about you? Come over for a cup of COFFEE at my dining room TABLE or maybe the kitchen TABLE where there are FOUR CHAIRS and we could TALK easily at first and then ASSORTED PROBATIVE QUESTIONS BEGIN. Give me a call. I sometimes advertsise on buses. Look me up.
More on that later.
Back some forty years ago they used to do different things with computers. Women still spread their legs. But computers were different. One thing the same. The other different. A lesson on time. Good one to learn. Notebooks, please. Leather-bound.
Is your brother a fatso? Is that why you never bring me around to parties? I'm not saying he is, but if he is embarrassed by his weight problems, there are people he can talk to. Some of them live out in the country. Good to know. Available day and night. Incredible service. Answer on the first ring.
It isn't a pervy group. I'll share that much with you. Sharing. Almost the same as caring. Different ways. Different needs. Different wants. Hammer time.
A person's wants. A person's needs. Can we measure them? WEIGH THEM? Find their circumference? I don't know about all that. Peace rules. It really does. Crops grow.
Probative questions. You come into my office and sit down and I will ask you so many probative questions that you will become INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE to the point where you will wonder about my motives. You will. You almost certainly will. As that Cajun Freddie used to say, "I guar-un-tee it." Cajun gentleman, I believe. On the television sometimes. While back. Think about it. Call Congress.
I'll make your flesh crawl after a half hour in my office. I really will. It will be SO upsetting for you. So upsetting. I almost resent myself for doing it to you.
Sometimes I lurch forward in my seat a little bit. Do you ever do that? Why don't we talk about it. Over coffee. Sliding scale.
There are four chairs around my kitchen table. DOES THAT ALARM YOU? Do you wonder who will be sitting on the other two chairs? You will wonder this. You will receive NO satisfaction. Take heed. Also, notes, write down.
I like to imagine you absolutely covered with cuts and abrasions. How do you feel knowing this? Why don't we sit down over coffee and talk about it? I sometimes advertise on buses. Not all the time. Not exclusively. Sometimes you do things "just to do them." Nike. Just do it.
I would like to talk to you some more about gross tonnage if you have a minute. I'd like more information on this time sensitive topic. Thank you.
Watermarks. On the paper. Still needed?
Sometimes you order something for lunch and it is not satisfactory. Sometimes what you order turns out to be shit. Fucking pisses me off. You ever have shit for lunch? Mental fucking midget.
Turns out to be a mall chili dog. Why the fuck are you even messing around with that kind of thing for? Are you soft?
Sometimes we are softer than we realize. Maybe Friend Behr (who is our Lord hallalujah) was right about cutting the top of your head off and FISHING AROUND down in there to see what happens. So much can be done. Just fishing around in there. Adapative. Amateur. Excellent.
You can learn a lot from a lunkhead. God rest his soul. Cross yourselves. I like it. Tastes like ass bread.
Some people have skin like a lizard. Lizard-like skin. Awful. Can't stand it. Do you have lizard-like skin? Call my office. Schedule an appointment. We'll rap. Sliding scale.
Daffy Donuts. What kind of name is that for a person? And yet, this is the person's name. You know what this person said to me today? "Try bone slaw. It is like cole slaw but with bones." Unbelievable.
Wasn't Boneslaw Digoberto the International Flyweight Champion in 1934? Someone want to look that up?
Have you read any nice books lately? One that had you on the edge of your seat? MAYBE? Tell me about it. Over coffee. My place. Privately.
I'd like it a lot if you did. Plenty of social distancing at my place. NO grabby hands. None at all. Nothing to worry about. Safe.
Medically yours,
Dr. Peter Swilling