Exciting two part article on what failed to "fuck up" your friend Behr due to website imposing communist style limitations on posting length of important articles. Part One is located under date of February 11, 2007 for sake of convenience and order.

Each night on my way home from working at a company that was attempting to manufacture and distribute a line of action figures under the name of "Kaiser Wilhelm and Friends," I would stop by at mother's place and see that things were hunky dory with her situation. Well I don't have to tell you, even if you are of low average intelligence, that the day she decided to dissolve herself in the bathtub by filling it with acid of one kind or another, things were hardly hunky dory.

Coming into the house I noticed that she was playing some favorites by Richard Wagner on the hi-fi. This was not unusual as she preferred intense and correct German choral and opera works to lame American "tunes" as she called them. What was unusual was she had decided to dissolve herself in the bathtub by filling the bathtub with acid of one kind or another and herself.

My arrival found her to have completely dissolved her body but her head had rolled onto the edge of the tub into the wide edge area where shampoo, soap and items such as rubber ducks are often kept in a sort of holding pen when the tub is empty of its correct filling which is not acid of one kind or another but warm water and sometimes bubble bath.

Your good friend Behr who in the long run was not "fucked up" by these events, stood in shock and awe for quite some time, taking in the scene. It was clear that the acid bath had disconnected her head from now non-existent neck moorings. This became even more clear when her eyes, wild with knowledge of her horrific deed, and staring at son Behr as if expecting him to do more than was possible given the extreme nature of the situation, would not break away from being locked onto son Behr. As Behr stared back, mother's head fell onto the tile or perhaps linoleum floor (knowing which it was is really not germane to the story so I cannot be fauled for not remembering which it was) and began rolling towards son Behr who was still son of the head of his mother despite the now complete absence of the womb from which Behr had once sprung. Horrific indeed.

Behr ran as a sensible person would do as the head closed in, going for the stairs and down to the first floor of the house and seeking a place to hide from headly wrath. Many remembrances of mother's teachings came to Behr at this time. Behr did remember how mother would fashion an instrument of heavy rope that would split into five or six frays of robe with imbedded shards of glass and use this instrument to teach Behr of how the Christ did suffer for Behr's sins, such as playing in yard after dark and eating chocolate covered raisens in bed. The lessons were learned well in Behr's mind but your friend Behr could now see by the look in mother's eyes they had not been learned as well as they might have been. Behr would rectify this in later years.

Mother's head continued to stare wildly at Behr, son of head, and follow him about until your friend Behr, unable to continue running, smashed the head of his mother with a golf club that belonged mostly to his absent, beer slut loving father.

And that was the end of it.