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When I was a small Behr, my adoptive father conducted a lot of experiments that involved shaving a variety of animals and inserting them into my body through my ass. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, this is a terrible thing to do to a child. On the other hand, since I know that science is nothing but a litany of lies, the fact that these experiments had no scientific value attached to them whatsoever makes me respect them.

Over the past 80 or so years, these animals have, at times, randomly escaped from their imprisonment inside my body and scampered off in search of people to take their aggression out on. You try living inside someone's ass for half a century and see how what the Internet kiddies call your "mental state" is after that. Now, I have come to anticipate these things because a stirring in my poop chute gives me a signal in this regard. Out it comes, off it goes, so on and so forth. Hardly a surprise to me any longer.

What was a surprise is that an "entity" of unknown origin exited my rectal tubing this morning. It resembled no known animal, did not have the appearance of any shaved creature of earthly design, and it made a lot of jabbering sounds before getting into the trunk of someone's Acura and driving away.

Just thought you'd like to know.