So I wake up . . .
I wipe my eyes . . .
I stretch. It all seemed like an average morning really. I lay back down with the "
screw getting up attitude" and reach for my other pillow (the one which often helps soften the blow that I'm sleeping alone).
My hand finally reaches its destination and there is a brief moment of satisfaction as I recall that, for once, there was a warm body there with me.
As I said, the moment was brief - the air turned cold - just like the snowy weather outside - I shivered in the confusion I felt squatting over the room. I finally conjured up the nerve to remind myself exactly who it had been, and why they were still there.
The confusion was thrown aside by the horror that replaced it, and instantly I began to dread the consequences. The body moved and began to awaken - I chickened out.
I closed my eyes and when they called my name I acted as if I was hypnotized by slumber.
"Merry Christmas"
. . . a kiss on the temple
. . . a whisper goodbye
. . . a door closed cautiously
. . . an engine rolling over
. . . a sigh of relief
I instantly jump out of the bed (a miracle in and of itself) and begin pacing the floor - realizing the urgency the situation had awaken.
After a few hours of realizing that I had no answers, convincing myself that it wasn't the end of the world, telling my fear that the spouse was not going to kill me,
. . . wiping away the tears that were begging to fall down my cheeks - I breathed.
Uglier than the dread, meaner than the spouse, sadder than the tears, softer than the whisper goodbye, and more tender than the kiss . . . the memories fill my mind. All the events from the previous evening I could see as if it were a movie being filmed right in front of my eyes.
It was a romance - each shot consumed with passion . . .
No - it was a drama - each scene filled with intensity . . .
NO! - it was a tragedy - overtones of vulnerability, lack of self control, and the sound of the heart's protective walls - crumbling.
I got throught the raging emotions and finally got the fuck off the roller coaster, and all I could come up with was this . . .
How can something so incredibly beautiful be so incredibly wrong?