It's too easy to blame it on an arbitrary date...
My daily visit to Cow Of Doom's nodetracker sent me to an old daylog. It was a fun experience, re-reading my old words. It was made more amusing by the blissful ignorance I was living in during that time; just a couple of days later, my wife entered my life. The only mention she gets at first is "Pictures, she wants pictures. (ack!)". Of course, I read on further, remembering the feelings I went through as I fell in love with this amazing woman.
All the while, Katyana was going through her pre-work routine of bathing and combing out her long red curly hair. She looked happy and puzzled as I walked out to her and hugged her tight. One thing lead to another, and an hour later we sleepily decided that today is a good day for her to skip work. Reading a self-help book to me as I soak in the bath, she argued against the positive attitude quick-fixes she finds on the pages. We discussed whether it's possible to create love where there is none, as the book espouses, and laughed together at the silly diagrams this book has to illustrate concerns and responsibilities. As I dressed, again I smiled in wonderment at just how stupendous my wife is. :-)
Now tell me again about the poor value of daylogs?
The decision is made to take a trip to the local petting zoo. I'm still not sure if I am having my chain yanked here, but I'm assured this 'Domino's Farms' is owned by the guy in charge of the pizza delivery franchise of the same name. So we gathered up some different foodstuffs, bundle them into our wedding present cooler (complete with wheels and handle), and prepared to leave.
At the farm, we drove around the cryptically signposted roads and eventually find the zoo. Here we see pigs, calves, turkeys, llamas, goats (and kids) and many other lovable, pettable creatures only too happy to rub against us. I believe we were the only couple there without a child, something that we didn't think twice about. Yet we gained some strange looks from other adults, as if to say 'I don't see a child attached to you, why are you here?' Like we need a baby to see the cute animals? Hmph. Of course, those weren't the only glances; at least one said 'Oh, you can't have kids. How awful!' Nope, wrong again. However much we both want kids, we know that they cost a suitcase full of money. It would almost be cruel to bring a child into this world without the means to provide for her wellbeing, security and happiness. Of course, I was overflowing with paternal twinges at the duckpond, watching fathers smile at their toddlers' try to lean even further into the water to touch the wary ducks.
More lovely feelings: Katyana reading excerpts of 'The Color Purple' to me as I doze in front of her. Eating the food she prepared in the shade, smiling at her interpretation of Celie's voice.
As we drive out of the car park, listening to Dennis Miller ranting about immigrants, Katyana suggests a visit to The Humane Society as a suitable followup to the cuteness we just experienced. I'm not sure why I agreed, possibly because I had never been to such a facility before.
I'm still trying to shake off the despair and sadness I found there. So many kittens, puppies, cats and dogs pleading, begging with me just to touch them. Each cage looked smaller and smaller, a little box of vacuum that stole a piece of my happiness. By the time I got to the larger dogs, I felt drained and isolated; I was retreating into myself at all the emotion around me. Although she probably didn't realise it at the time, Katyana's tears on my shoulder saved me from a greater depression than I have had in a long time. I wanted to take almost a dozen cats and two dogs home straightaway. We couldn't take a single one, our cat already violates a rule of our apartment complex.
I had never completely felt a bond with Thena, our cat, but she surprised me after we returned home. As I laid in my wife's arms trying to come to terms with my sadness, Thena softly headbutted me, played quietly with my fingers and looked serenely into my eyes. She soothed me as much my wife's words did; I realised that I already had all I needed here, I didn't need to go searching cages for feline attention...
Don't go looking for negativity on a certain date; you'll be sure to find it. Today is a wonderful day