1.1 Are
gorillas the same as
bears?
No. Gorillas are not the same as bears. Many people assume that there are no differences between them,
or the differences are very subtle. While both make great pets and are often seen living together harmoniously, bears
have different tax obligations than gorillas and gorillas tend to be generally different from bears. These
differences lie in dissimilarity and the fact that they are not the same.
1.2 Are there different types of bears?
Yes. The different types of bears include many.
1.3 Do bears come in different colors?
Bears do vary in color. There is the "Brown" bear, the "Black" bear, the "White" bear, and other bears
whose colors cannot be determined by name. Some of these colors include off-white, gray, tan, beige, red-orange
(a burnt sienna), and various shades of red; most often "blood" red if the bear has recently been eating.
1.4 Are the noises I hear coming from my basement a bear?
Hard to tell from my perspective. Call a professional bear killer before attempting to shoo it out with a
broom. Also, listen for bear noises or send your dog into the basement, wait a while for scuffles, then call your dog. If the dog returns it may or may not be a bear.
1.5 What do bears eat?
Bears eat fish and honey.
1.6 Are bears from Ursus americanas?
No, but thats a great question, and a funny one. Bears are Ursus americanas. Confused? I thought so. Let
me explain: Ursus americanas is the latin nomenclature for the American Brown bear.
1.7 Are any states named after bears?
Actually, yes. Florida, Alaskan, and American are all states named after bears.
Did you know?: Europe was named after the European Bear.
1.8 Do bears taste good?
Generally bears taste great. Any bear will tell you this. Bears prefer only honey and humanity to bear flesh.
This is one reason bears often gnaw on themselves. To the human experience, Cinnamon bears and Honey
bears are the best tasting, at least on the outside. Dirty old men typically prefer minty tobacco taste of the
Kodiac bear. Warning, do not try to lick a live bear unless he looks harmless. It is best to lick the cleaner
parts of a roadkill bear.
2.0 Are bears friendly?
This varies from bear to bear. A good motto to keep in mind is "If I were to touch that bear, would he
really care? If I think he may, I probably shouldn't stay. If I think he won't, I'll touch him in the
scrote." Go with your insticts.
2.1 What should I do if I come across a bear in the wild?
The best thing to do is notify him of your presence by throwing rocks at him, aiming for his head and face.
Yell and shriek both high and low pitched noises and be anything but still while doing this. This will let the
bear become gradually accepting of your being there and he will then decide if you are threatening or not
and thus he can make decisions about your future while not feeling panicked or a sense or urgency.
2.2 What should I do if I come across a bear in the city?
In this situation, the bear is undoubtedly someone's pet or escaped from the zoo. Therefore, he is not going
to hurt you. If you can catch him, do so and call the number on his tags. Otherwise honk your horn, shout at
him, or prod him. He will then play with you until his owner or a zoo keeper comes.
2.3 What is the bear's place in society, can they be plumbers?
In human society, bears have many roles: entertainment, manual labor, and others. Yes, bears can be
plumbers, and in fact generally have better customer satisfaction ratings than human plumbers. This is based
on a plumbing survey taken in 1998 (J.D. Power and Associates). However, as they say: "A plumber is
only as good as his tools," this is also true for bear plumbers only for this case they say, "A bear plumber
may kill you and attempt to to replace you in your role in your household and is only as good as his tools."
2.4 Are any of my relatives bears?
If you yourself are a bear, then it is decidedly such that you do have bear relatives. In this case consult your
local branch of the library to learn more about your family tree.
If you are not a bear but still curious as to the answer to this question, talk to your relatives, as they may
know. There is a chance you are related to a bear or many bears, though this varies among different
families. A good hueristic for finding out on your own is observation. Try listening in on conversations: listen
for loud grunts or "roars". Look for panic and fear of family members: look to see if those in your family
seem uneasy around certain other family members, or are constantly moving slowly while carrying fish and
honey to appease the relative. Look for excessive hair or a black nose: this is a good hint to the nature of
your relatives. Remember: Male and Female Pattern Baldness is not solely a human ailment, do not let this
be a characteristic to lead you to believe falsities as to the nature of your uncle Ursus.