Infinite_Burn has expressed everything I have been feeling so beautifully and succinctly that I can't find the words to add, that make any sense. But I do feel torn and split - and like I really have no choice - I must follow my soul's yearnings and walk that road. I just don't want to!
I'm afraid of what I will lose if I walk that path openly, publicly. And it beckons.
sorry for the jokes, I just can't help it.