I can't believe I got up at 7:30 and drove in to work. The California server tape drive still won't back up - it's been weeks - if my boss ever finds out, I'm in deepshit. so I came in to update the Domino server, which went fine, and now I'm trying to run a backup hoping I'll get the error message again so I can troubleshoot.
And I have my first Notes test on the 28th and it's the 10th, and if I don't start studying I will fail. I would like to pass it. So I'm going to do some studying today with my old course book. Just start over and review page by page and explore. Lots of boring rights and permissions stuff mostly.
Last night I got together with M. We kissed in the parking lot on Thursday after meeting - no matter what else is going on, his kisses make my knees weak, my body tremble, and my entire being take flight to somewhere out there. They just mesmerize me. I was inspired, as I didn't know I'd be able to do anything, so I suggested Friday night.
Things happened on Friday. I didn't get home from DC til 9; missed my train so had to wait another hour. So was a little weird at first cause he got there a few minutes after I did. We ended up laying down on my bed, just holding each other.
And something very unexpected happened. My people came out to say goodbye to him. Just one at a time, mostly wordless, but I felt them passing by. I am sad today, because I know they will integrate into me soon. And I have felt them merging into me slowly, gradually, for the past few months. Nothing Girl is gone. I tried to feel her and summon her, but she feels gone. She came out to say goodbye - but I had to say it for her - she can't talk anymore. And then she was gone. She's the second one to merge, I think. The babies were the first. Their scared, lonely, cold selves aren't crawling around on that ugly rug next to that awful sofa anymore, in the darkened room. I think the little girls and the bigger girls loved them and hugged them enough to feel better over the past few months. They always wanted to be with some one, and now they are, as long as I live.
I don't know about anybody else. Everything is in a constant state of processing and flux. I think my yoga and belly dancing classes are helping a lot, as I am getting used to being a person inside a human female body. It's so new - I feel like an alien.