Observed side effects of actors*:
  1. Inflated ego,
  2. Unemployment,
  3. Affected mannerisms,
  4. Significant loss of neurons in the frontal lobe,
  5. parasitic infection (also known as an agent).

    * Observations based on four years of undergraduate study in theatre and performance studies, eleven years of work in the professional theatre, and a cynicism born of failing to make a living wage doing so.