It's October. It's starting to get cold and I wondered this morning if I could manage to wear a sweater without sweating. I look outside and see blue skies and palm trees and it seems that nothing ever changes here.

But a year ago things were so different. A year ago, I was scared to tell him that I loved him. Now, I'm scared to even talk to him. Given that we live 3000 miles apart now, it's very easy to not talk to him, but some times, there are things that happen or that I see, and no one else in this world would see it as I see it but him. But those days are over, and today I feel it more than anything.

As usual, I couldn't figure out what to wear today. Sweater? No sweater? Long sleeves? What looks good on me? I never know. Ever since he left, it's even harder to get dressed. He used to help me figure out what looked good and what looked bad. Today I tried to remember an outfit that he'd told me looked good... but I can't get past him in my mind, so I end up dressing like it's 1997. I'm sure people have been pointing and laughing at me all day.

I must have gone to class today. The massive doodle I add to has grown significantly today, but I don't really remember adding anything to it. With him in my head, it's hard to do anything beyond the basics. I go to class, sit down and shut up.

Today is just one of those days. Today I am lost. I hope for a better tomorrow.