The following play has everything: suspense, casual racism, and jokes that Americans won't get. It's a squeeze, but you could cut the minicab gag and the admittedly hackneyed 'commercial break/repeated line' gag.

Untitled (Sci-fi)

THE PLAYERS: CAPTAIN, NAVIGATOR, SCIENCE OFFICER, TACTICAL OFFICER

THE SCENE: The bridge of a spaceship, such as those seen in popular serialised television shows. CAPTAIN is seated centre-stage. TACTICAL OFFICER and NAVIGATOR are seated in front. SCIENCE OFFICER is stands at off to one side at the back.

CAPTAIN: (to NAVIGATOR) Mister Crabs, lay in a course for Omega Persei.

NAVIGATOR: Yes sir.

SCIENCE: Sir, I'm picking something up on the long range scanner.

CAPTAIN: Is it a minicab company?

SCIENCE: What?

CAPTAIN: I mean, on screen.

SCIENCE: Main screen turn on, sir.

(The crew react to the big, alarming thing on screen.)

CAPTAIN: What is it, number one?

SCIENCE: Fascinating. According to my readings, it's a Stu Francis Anomaly.

CAPTAIN: You mean, (pause) a rip in the tissue of the space-time continuum?

SCIENCE: That's right sir.

CAPTAIN: (dramatically, a la Zap Brannigan) My god, we'll be crushed like grapes!

(dramatic chords denoting cliffhanger, commercial break)

CAPTAIN: (as before) My god, we'll be crushed like grapes!

CAPTAIN: (regains composure) Tactical guy, how are we going to get out of this one?

TACTICAL: (outrageously Italian) I say we turn around and-a go really fast the other way.

CAPTAIN: (snorts dismissively) Maybe that's how they do things on your vaguely allegorical planet, Giuseppe. (to NAVIGATOR) Crabsy?

NAVIGATOR: Sir, if we expediently orient the foremost protuberance of the vessel at an angle diametrically opposed to the nexus of the African American cavity and inducing maximum motive force -

SCIENCE: Of course!

CAPTAIN: Make it happen!

TACTICAL: (aside) Ahh, this is-a bullshit!