You aren't fat, dammit! (idea)

I know I’m just fine. I’m 5’ tall and 100lb. The charts in the doctor’s office say that is a normal weight for my height. My jeans are size 2 (US), that’s a nice small size. I should be happy, or at least not so concerned. But in spite of all this, I still know I’m fat, or at least ugly. So I workout I try to eat less and drink more water. I try not to ask other people if they think I’m thin enough they always say “Yes, you’re fine.” But I know that they aren't telling the truth. So I work harder, just in case. It’s not really about looks, you see. I don’t care about the latest fashions, I don’t wear makeup or shave my legs. I’m not really concerned about my appearance that much. I just want to be good enough to be loved.

Once I was 130lb. Now that was fat! When I lost the first twenty people started treating me differently. They said I was a nicer person (I have a famously bad temper.) People asked me to work on projects with them more often boys asked me out more often. I never thought that it mattered. It turned out that it did matter. I must admit, that made me sort of . . . mad. So I just kept losing weight! And then I was only 87lb. (they’ll really love me now, I thought) But, 87 was “too thin” and I had to gain some back “get some meat on my bones.” So, I did. Now I’m 100 and I have no idea if that is right or not. I have no idea if anyone loves me. I wish it didn’t matter, but everyone knows it matters. I wish I was a guy, maybe then I could forget about all of this crap.