There will be pieces of you
that I will resist
things left inside you
from past lovers
ideas tastes and habits inherited
which can only make me feel out of place
like hanging a stranger's decorations
celebrating a foreign holiday
bearing the fruits of someone else's labor
There will be pieces of you
that I can't accept
expectations and lack thereof
comparisons, as you examine your pitfalls
the constant pressure of fears
in which I must now participate
emotional pallete ranging
from tart, to bitter, to rotten, to poison
There will be pieces of you
that will close me in shame
eerie commitments with forgotten details
rest stops in between
the short and fickle victories
to feel so unfulfilled
when I only want peace for you and
it's a gift you can't receive
There will be pieces of you
that will accumulate
teaching me to accept, and to breathe
even when sometimes I want to be
the only book you've ever known,
but then you would just be...me
So now I know I must put down the pieces
and renew myself to your whole
because the whole of you is the only piece
with which I can negotiate
that might drag me into the light
that might forge me into a holdable piece
only the whole of you can receive my devotion
and so the whole is what I'll choose to see, and to love
not just the pieces
February, 2019