My usual coping mechanism is failing me.
In the past I've been able to daylog my most traumatic experiences in the ER, and have it be a type of catharsis. I've sat at the keyboard, tears streaming down my face, and felt eased and more at peace afterwards.
This time, I can't write. I don't know why, only that I've sat down to try and the words are stilted, awkward, forced, and I still feel like there is a pressure in my chest and a weight on my shoulders I can't release.
It's not even as though this had been the worst thing I've ever seen - it was a quick death, she didn't suffer, and there was no abuse involved, just a stupid ATV accident.
So why can't I let go of her?
Kids should not die before their parents.
I still can't cry.