I don't know how he does it, but I'm just really f#$*ing glad that he does. Most of the time I don't even mention how I'm
feeling or why or the thoughts that are going through my head, causing me to be sad, or sort of
confused and upset to a point. I think he just knows, even if he doesn't
actually know, just what to say and when.. when to lay on the
sweet stuff, when to say something really
funny. All I can think is, where was this boy all my life, besides in my thoughts, near constantly before I even knew he really existed.. I have but one thing to say to him, among a billion others that will come in time..
thank you, for
everything you've done, especially for the things you aren't even aware of.
I don't know where I'm going, I've even less of an idea of what the hell I'm doing at all, and up until about half an hour ago I cared. Now I'm just
laughing. That would be his fault.
Tomorrow.. I have to actually do something, force myself into it. I have been slacking off so
hardcore terribly that it is no longer even slightly amusing. Who am I kidding, it's
hilarious that I've managed to do absolutely nothing real important (in society's/my parents eyes) for at least half a year now. I've done every last thing I've wanted to, and NOTHING that they wanted me to do! Actually I've not done
everything I wanted to.. I've done nothing, but that was the thing I wanted to do the most. I've just been
writing, that's it, reading and writing and nothing else. Take that, life, take that. Eventually I'll become a worker drone, sooner than I'd like to.. actually by the end of this month. Oh well.. I have a feeling it will all work out.
I can laugh. After all the
things that went through my head today I can laugh, and smile, and I don't even care anymore, I'm happy.
Damn. Life is
dreamy.
Update: Well, it's about 4pm in the afternoon at this point, just finished
arguing with my sister again about the same things we always argue about. She tells me I'm '
mooching' off my parents (though she's doing the same only worse), and acts really hypocritical. Tells me I'm worthless and the like.. it would bother me more if she wasn't so infinitely stupid about everything. She gets very
jealous of my
best friend too. Not sure what to do about that.. she acts as if I'm not paying enough attention to her because I tell my best friend everything rather than her. The problem is, my sister is just like I was at her age, she's very
judgemental and close-minded. It took me until about 17 (and had met some
dreamy little humans) to realize how stupid that way of thinking is, and I don't imagine she's about to change her mind anytime soon either. Oh well. All I know is
I'm tired of fighting with her, I told her she should be an
elitist Christian1 because she has such a
holier than thou/hypocritical attitude. I've also started calling her
Reverend Kate. Ah well. What're you going to do? Live with it 'til I move out,
I suppose.
1 - I've nothing against Christians, just the ones that are militant and think they're better than everyone else.