We sat there,
the two of us, taking occasional sips from unimportant drinks we'd purchased as little more than an excuse to sit across from eachother in the little booth of sorts. He'd
look at me and I'd look back, we were both infinitely sad, not an odd emotion for the two of us to share.. it's something that goes along with a
long distance relationship, I think. It was
The Second Cup in a downtown Toronto bus terminal, we were simply waiting for the inevitable departure, trying to ignore it but failing miserably. We'd been granted a few extra hours together due to
a scheduling mix-up. "
I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan, that's what was playing as I tried so hard to hold back tears that would not be held by anything or anyone, though I fought them for him alone because at that point
my little heart was aching too badly to care about such things. I guess this song just seems really appropriate now, six months after the end of something that lasted three years.. three intensely trying years, though I wouldn't do it differently if I could. He was
the first I truly loved, and the first to break my heart to the point that I was quite sure there was nothing but
hurt and
pain in the world. Everything seems so pointless when something falls apart like that, just completely slips away and becomes this nothingness that I still can't figure out..
"Remember
the good times that we had, we let them slip away from us when things got bad.."
I thought of that moment again the other day, it crosses my mind many times over, it's one of those things I can't let go of, and I don't think I really should, even if I were able. I'd prefer not to get any more
weepy and
sentimental at this point, so I'll move on..
My
best friend and I went out to the campsite behind the house with my little brother and his friend whom I find infinitely humorous. This was, of course, after we walked and discussed
the crazy things life seems to throw at us.. my strange family, we talked about that too. She gave me a big hug at the
top of the hill and when she did I looked over to see the sun, this intense flaming orange'y colour, more brilliant than I've seen it in a long time. We walked a bit further and watched the
sunset, sat on the path and looked between the blades of grass to see the glistening of spider webs draped between them. We stared into the sun, and it was a while before I commented that it was probably not a great idea, being that it isn't really good for you.. it was just so
drawing. The way the light hit the deep green leaves of the trees was amazing too.. though I had
lightspots in my eyes at that point and had trouble really taking it in as I might have.
The campsite provoked interesting conversation about Andrew (my little brother's friend) and his brother, who happens to be a bit of a
deviant. He has numerous problems, and is a bit too into the drug scene. Ah well.. the best part was when we saw them trying to light the fire in the beginning, with a large amount of
gasoline. I felt obligated to watch in case one of them lost their eyebrows/
limbs.
I'm sort of exceedingly
lonely tonight, but it's my own fault for strolling down memory lane.. why I do this I'll never know, I guess
it keeps me humble in a way. Ah well..
"I will remember you,
will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by,
weep not for the memories.."