I haven't
noded anything in a few days, I haven't even been home in a few days.
Alot has happened, though.
Primarily, a really great friend of mine named Malachi has returned to
Asheville from
Vermont, and we have been hanging out alot in the last few days.
I've also decided that I have a (rather intense) crush on a close friend of mine (her name is Bethany). I know it's
stupid because not only am I not good with girlfriends (or friends for that matter), it is nearly
impossible to shift a good close
friendship to something more
intimate.
I don't know how to explain the last few days, so instead I will give some excerpts from my "
Paper Daylog" (a spiral bound notebook that is with me at all times, unlike my
computer).
April 5:
Gears turn the mechanisms of memory's frears,
rolling like clockwork that never rusts through the years,
A perfectly oiled machine that kept my thoughts clear,
And 18 years since it's inception,
I play monkey wrench games of deception,
with my own machinery,
to put a new spin on my scenery,
Change my reds and yellows to blues and greenery.
I wrote this shortly after I smoked
pot for the first time in about 2 years. I quit smoking just because I felt it was time for me to quit, and I only smoked this one time because it was with Malachi (and he is
very special) and because I
ganked the pot from my dad who smokes (so it was
free).
April 6:
A rush of adrenaline pumps the day forward with no anxios waits or awkward pauses, no flaws, just understanding.
The unspoken thing,
Preaching to me that the surges of people in unguided mobs to and from peacefull existence is the human race's way of expressing the new growth of spring, instead of budding and flowering.
The ebb and flow of thoughts, ideas, people, even money move like tides in and out of each persons individual perception at what seems to be an arbitrary rate.
Only as a collective whole can people see the world for what it truly is.
Only as an active member of this collective whole can any individual understand the minute perfection of reality.
You can't see the clockwork without being a working gear yourself.
I wrote this when I was watching everyone in the
coffee shop acting all
anxious and restless because of spring-time energy.
I got rather
depressed when I saw how everyone felt like "doing something", but that
something was just to sit around, drink
coffee, and talk.
I felt like if everyone got together to do something productive during this early spring period, an immense task could be accomplished.
It just saddened me to see all that energy being wasted.