Oh shit man.
I hate the fact that I have only submitted daylogs in the past few weeks, but a lot of shit has been going on, and it just doesn't seem like it is going to stop anytime soon. Hence I have this to share with you all.
To you: I can't thank you enough for being the person you are. I understand how you feel and I respect it too, and I am almost glad in a way that you got upset over what you did. I know that sounds weird but, it shows that you truly care about me and that is something I haven't felt in a long time. I'll be waiting for you baby.
Tonight: Well ya see, I was having a really slow night at work which was ok, but I was bored and I couldn't study at all for some reason.
Anyway, the night goes by, I had that evil old woman in here again, and she was being mean to her kid, grrr, I don't like her man. But all in all, everything went fine, I got my cash up done early, was chillin, had gotten a little bonus for my hard work, yay! so I was content to just wait till twelve when Feeney would come in.
He gets here, a little late, and I decide to chill for a while and maybe get some quality reading in before going home. Course then I deicde that smoking a little hash in the bathroom, or as we refer to it as "cleaning the bathroom", wouldn't be that bad of idea......so, you only live once right?
Yeah, well ,remember when I told everyone about the day from hell in which the icing on the fucking cake was me dropping my glass piece and breaking it? Yeah, well it was still working ok up until roughly ten minutes ago.
Yupp, I did it again, dropped the bowl in the bathroom sink while trying to merely empty out the ashes.
I guess it is not that big of a deal, actually I know it isn't. But it is scary to me in a weird way because I just wonder why.
I wonder why things happen as they do, and I wonder if I am doing something wrong, or if I deserve all of this shit for some reason. I am speaking here of other things, beyond the simple loss of a glass bowl. That is just one little speck in the pile of dust that I am.
It scares me also becuase I don't want it to be a sign of something. Until five hours ago my MSN messenger name was broken glass, and then I switched it cause I don't feel broken anymore....and look what happens.
I don't know, it is just all kind of a little too crazy for me. Whack shit that I don't want to even start thinking about metaphorically, even though I know I can't escape it.
So, yet again, I find myself caring about something that maybe I shouldn't. But it is not the material thing in question here, it is the act itself, the fact that it happened.
Shit, I gotta stop. The more I write about this, the more I feel like ripping my hair out of my head because I have gone insane from all the voices in my head, and even more so because I question my right to make an issue out of this at all.
Update:Yes, it was a sign, a real, real, fucking big one.