I had never been there for them before; they were lost and I couldn't find them, or it had happened at the vet's. Toutounette had been on a slow decline for several months. She was a bush dog from Gabon, very primitive. A bush dog will never show signs of being unwell lest other dogs attack it. That is why I knew she was near the end when she didn't eat her supper.

At bedtime I put her out in the front yard to pee, but her hind legs collapsed when she squatted down. I picked her up and carried her back into the house, got her up on her feet in the living room. She stood there, splay-legged and swaying. We made eye contact. I have never seen a more human expression.

What is happening to me? Please.

I carried her into the bedroom, put her down on the bedside rug. I laid down on the bed. She gave a little sigh when I reached down and cupped my hand around her shoulder. The next morning she was still under my hand. I'd like for it to be like that for me, with someone I love holding me.