Dream
I am driving down
Route 4 to Solomons Island
MD in my maroon
Camry wagon. A bald man in a white nondiscript car backs into the road in front of me. I have the
right-of-way but I stop to let him enter the roadway. I can see his head lolling listlessly. His car stops and after waiting for him to move I drive on. After I pass him, I think perhaps he is in trouble. I pull in to a road-side field, stop, and walk back to his car. He says he needs help. I rush to my car to call
911 but I do not have a phone in the car and get confused. I try to punch 911 into my radio receiver but that is no help. In great confusion I go back to his car. He is walking around his car and appears confused.
I see an old general store down the road and run to use its phone. My first attempt is just to dial 911 expecting that 911 calls do not need money. No luck. I request change for a dollar from the clerk. The phone refuses my quarter. I ask for change for a quarter and the clerk hands me gum balls not coins. I ask again and get from the clerk more gum balls plus the coins.
I look out of the store and see the man is being helped and someone is moving my car.
Day Residue (triggers for dream occurring around the time of the dream)
None apparent at time of this writing.
Associations (edited not stream of consciousness)
- I have been saying nine one one to my self. But nine eleven just occurred to me. 911 represents an emotional storm for the world. I was otherwise occupied.
- Throughout the four years of my psychoanalysis which ended twenty years ago, there was a theme in my dreams of me driving a car down Connecticut Ave in DC. As my analysis progressed I moved to different parts of the avenue.
- On the day of 9/11 I, holding power of attorney, made the decision not to take extraordinary measures ( a stomach tube) to keep my deeply confused 94 year old step mother alive. I slept in her room in the hospice for the next ten days until she died. The family of Sierra Leoneians who had been nursing my step mother, Marjorie, for almost ten years and had adopted her as their grandmother pleaded with me to authorize the procedure and let them care for and love Marjorie until she died. When I made the decision, they were heart broken. But I was certain that Marjorie would want to go and I let her. My response to this famiily's grief; given their years of devotion to Marjorie was callous. They refused my quarter and we have not been in contact these two years. Even though I was close to them while taking care of Marjorie, I did not expect to remain close to them after she died. But I feel a lack of closure to our relationship.
- Twenty years before my step mother's death, my father committed suicide. He told me on a Thursday that he thought he was losing his mind. He had gotten into his car and did not know what to do. He was completetly confused. On Saturday, he downed many Seconal tablets and jumped from the roof of their apartment building which was on Conneticut Ave. My response to my father's panic was callous. It was consistent with our life long denial of emotions. I spent four years as a suicide hotline consultant after his death.
- My father was not bald but my analyst was. I was in analysis at the time of my father's suicide.
- My father and step mother met in Solomons Island.
- The Camry is a gift from my step mother.
- I think of my diabetes as a gift from my father who obstructed my life in several ways. I am afraid that I am going blind from the diabetes. Have had laser surgeryand am part of a clinical research study at the National Eye Institute.
When my father's body was found, the only id on him was an envelop addressed to my brother and containing some cash and the car registration. My father's will left everything to my brother and his children. Marjorie and I contested the will and it was set aside.
- A a result of my relatioship to Marjorie, I have a good opportunity for a job in Solomons Island. Until I create a way to work from home, it involves two eighty mile drives along Route 4, also referred to as Pennsylvania Ave extended, a day. My drive takes me in sight of where Marjorie, at her specific request, is buried with her father -- not my father. I had a very strong emotional relationship with Marjorie and knew her thoughts on medically extended life.
Comments
Well, I have not remembered a dream for a long time.
I enjoyed and benefited from logging my dream in this way.
I think the day residue or trigger for this dream is that during an argument Judy, my wife of thirty seven years, said she would leave me if we could afford it. She has never said that before and I hope it was limited to the heat of the moment.
Lessons learned
- Actually, I understand why Judy said it. I was callous to her expressions of need for emotional support.
- Also I may not be giving enough effort to making something of my job opportunity.
After Thoughts
I may come back to this dream and record further insights. If others see images or other associations msg me . I will include your thoughts here. Some theorists would say this is not my dream but an expression of modern society.
01/28/04 reread dream no new thoughts. But, after reflection, found dream and interperation a very useful exercise.
02/1/06 reread dream no new thoughts.