Needless to say, we didn't finish that purity test. He kept saying he was sorry. Finally, my voice started working again. I heard my voice tell him I needed some space. He paled slightly. He should go home, my voice continued calmly, and I would call him tomorrow. He just nodded and headed for the door. My feet walked him to the door, my hand waved goodbye, and then closed and locked the door after him. Eventually, I turned around to face the apartment.
I should be doing something.
My feet carry me into the living room.
Her cactus squats near the darkened window.
I know I should be doing something.
The wall clock chops away the seconds.
A picture of her grins at me from the bookcase.
I'm not doing anything.
I'm not even blinking.
What should I be doing?
What do you do -
- when your girlfriend boffs your best friend -
- and hides it from you for over a year?
I'm in the kitchen getting a second look at what I ate for dinner in the sink, my face slick with tears and snot. I don't know how I got there. Must have been my feet again. My stomach has nothing left in it but it spasms a couple more times for good measure. My mouth tastes like I feel. I rinse the sink, my mouth, my face, my hands, then watch the water run for while. I guess this is what I was supposed to be doing.