William Shatner (person)

William Shatner comes to speak at the University of Alabama.

Admission: Free for students, $5.00 for anyone else.

I barely got there in time, I stood against the wall drinking a Frappuccino.

Shatner's main points were

• Technology is faceless:
  • Our society is losing human contact
  • Starbucks is the height of human contact:
    • Starbucks is espresso
    • I waited in line for Starbucks in the Atlanta Airport for half an hour and the espresso machine was broken!!
    • Why couldn't they just have announced "Hey the espresso machine's broken!" instead of making me wait in line?!
    • There was a gourmet coffee shop next door! If I had wanted coffee I would have just gone next door!
    • So finally I come here and wow! there's a Starbucks right here in ...uh... whatever building this is.
    • So I order a decaff espresso and my friend orders a regular espresso.
    • So we're sitting around in the anteroom, and they send up our coffee, but they didn't mark which was which!!
    • There's a goddamn blank labeled decaff right on the cup! All they had to do was check the goddamn box!
    • And now I'm shaking because I've had too much caffeine!
  • I've never used the Internet! I have no idea what priceline.com is, even though I do their commercials!
  • I couldn't get the GPS to work, and when it did work, I didn't like it!
  • I hate the electonic voice on the train at the Atlanta Airport
    • Why does it say (weird nasal immitation of computer voice) "please step away from the doors as they are closing"
    • Why can't it say "GET AWAY FROW THE FUCKING DOOR!"
  • They couldn't get the RF Mic to work!!
  • Technology seems to be an "evil demon" that's going to destroy us all.
• I'm not really Captain Kirk so don't ask me stupid trekkie questions!
• I have several amusing stories about acting that I will tell when someone asks me a question about my most meaningful experience.
• I'm going to dodge a question about Rescue 911 by telling an amusing story about a skunk (Cell phone call to 911: "I'm William Shatner, and I stink!" "Oh, not that prank again" ::click::)