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Last night I spent the night at my mom's house. I agreed to watch my neighbor's dog for them while they are on vacation. He came over yesterday to get used to our house and how we do things. He was very good, apart from digging his nails into a rug and snagging it nothing was damaged or ruined. I gave him some water when he seemed thirsty and had no trouble getting him outside or back in although he has a tendency to get wound up when he's excited. For a while I sat on the couch reading while I allowed him ever increasing lengths of his leash. My Power of Women book discussed physical relaxation as a way to cope with emotional distress. There was also a chart on noticing the facial expressions of others and trying to gauge what they might be feeling.

I worked on my resume again. I wrote potion instead instead of portion which was an embarrassing typo. Applying for jobs is frustrating and annoying. Sites like Monster and Indeed allow you to upload your resume only to have to jump through each company's hoops where you tick off boxes stating whether you are disabled, not disabled, or prefer not to answer. From a productivity standpoint yesterday was pretty good. The girls did the dishes without too many urgings. I was also able to get them to move things on the sunporch into the garage. This is great because it frees up the sunporch for other things and removes visual clutter from the space. I didn't realize how much that had been bothering me until I saw room emerge.

Not long ago I had asked my oldest daughter to take the legs off of the table. Surprisingly it was my youngest who ended up doing this. Many tears were involved in the procedure, she was crying when she tried wheeling the table top out to the garage. I hadn't expected her to try and move it herself. I went out to the kitchen, leaned the table against wood we have in the garage and came back inside to give her a hug. I let her know I was very proud of her accomplishments and hope she is able to view this as a challenge she overcame at some future point in time. I was able to order a new modem for under $40, working myself into an emotional frenzy hadn't helped anything, but getting more information and taking action had.

Today Jill was supposed to go to a mandatory meeting. Instead she went to the baptism of my cousin's new baby. I didn't learn the meeting was mandatory until after she had gone. I doubt that this will go well for her, but I have to let it go and learn from the experience. It's really frustrating that my mom can never seem to remember that none of us can have any dairy products. My kids have them when I'm not around which is another source of extreme frustration. My mom and her husband do things and that was good for us to see. They're always working in their yard, yesterday my mom planted beans, doing something for others, cooking food, or doing some home improvement project. 

My mother's house hardly resembles the place she initially purchased. She tore down a wall that had formed my brother's bedroom, installed tile throughout the lower level, and put in a three panel patio door that walks out onto the rear of her house. She has extensive gardens and terracing. The back of her house is a very steep hill that she's had to be conscious of due to water when it rains heavily. They put in extra drainage at the base to help with that. I got a little free standing fire pit which is something I've been wanting for a long time. Their neighbors were getting rid of it after a year, his sister gave them theirs so I was able to take home the extra, and in my opinion, much nicer one.

The plan is to get a job so I can move out. I can't force anyone to take care of a home that they own or rely on someone who has consistently been unreliable and untrustworthy. I can't afford to keep assuming debts that belong to other people. I don't have the money, and it's terrible for my psyche. I haven't heard from the guy I like in a couple of days. I know he's probably been super busy. I can keep myself entertained, and it was a very good feeling to realize that I can get emotional support from others and myself. Quiet day here, I think I've been stressed and bored for such a long time I've conditioned myself to avoid things I believe will be painful.

I'm facing more, coping better, eating less, and moving more. Momentum is something I've rarely considered, but it's been a great force in my life recently which has been great. I've been trying to identify more of my feelings; anger, sadness, happiness, joy, displeasure, disgust, compassion. Each of these gets noticed and accepted. It's a much better than than constantly judging myself and trying to shut my emotions down like I have so often in the past. Very optimistic as I write this.