Eight months ago I didn’t know what a writeup was. Now you’re reading number 100. Back then I didn’t understand what links were. Today I think in terms of links, nodes and nodeshells. Seven and a half months ago people tried to explain how links provided three dimensionality in a body of work. Now I can explain that concept to others. Previously I asked editors to review my work. Today some of them are asking me what I think of what they wrote. Seven months ago I talked to sam512 about something he was writing. Today I have a writeup inspired by a node of his and he was kind enough to give me credit for the idea that brought about Moon Base Shackleton, 1978.

Six months ago I was about to attend my first nodermeet. I thought getting there would be the biggest challenge but after spending an evening hanging out with everyone I found that saying goodbye was a lot harder than I had expected it to be. Five months ago I had my first fight with another group of noders. That fight was my first opportunity to use the ignore function. As far as I know it was the first time someone used the ignore function on me. It’s an experience I still haven’t forgotten but the lessons learned were good ones. Since then I've moved on, I no longer bear any ill will towards anyone involved in the miscommunication. I would like to believe that no one thinks less of me but if they do and I'm aware of it I will stay out of their way.

Four months ago the idea of an Iron Noder Challenge was introduced by in the catbox. You are currently reading my twentieth contribution to the quest. I have reason to believe that I will finish the challenge. It was an interesting idea when it was first introduced. It’s been a lot of work but as I said earlier, for the most part it has been fun. Three months ago I decided to focus on becoming a better writer. I knew the Halloween Quest was coming up. Horror is been a genre I’ve always enjoyed, I wanted to enter the quest but I needed something that would set me apart from all the other contestants.

One month ago the Horror Quest was in full swing. I realize that writeups like Buenas Noches and Andy in the dark are short but that was deliberate on my part. I wanted to see how may words I could trim from a writeup that told a complete story. Fresh ice and The new shipping manager were lengthier pieces. Both of those fictional stories were pulled from my real life work experiences. This month I’ve decided that if I ever enter the Iron Noder Challenge again I’m going to remember how much work it is to be constantly noding. I’ve started worrying less about making sure everything is up to my standards and focus on speed. The Iron Noder challenge has given me an opportunity to do some things I haven't before. Girls Who Looked Under Rocks was my first book review and Barbados is the first land mass I’ve researched and written about.

One month ago I was sitting at my computer thinking that I wanted to try something new. Historical fiction is something I enjoy reading. I decided to try my hand at that and inspired by a short story I had read earlier I started working on The crying statue. Two months ago I was reading about mauler's Piracy Quest and wondering what I could contribute to that. Since I wasn’t planning for that challenge it disrupted my plans but I wanted to level up so I submitted two entries for that quest. Smuggler’s Blues is probably the writeup that gave me the most difficulty. I had it sitting on my scratch pad long before I felt like I could post it. I asked The Custodian for editorial assistance. Even after his help I was hesitatnt to post it. Now I realize how foolish it was to worry about what other people thought.

Three months ago I gained cool power under the previous leveling system. Mystery Date was the writeup I thought was going to take me there but it was actually a cool on Fifty Dollar Freedom that took me to the next level. That writeup is based on a true story. I’ve received numerous comments on it, all of which I appreciate, most of which I remember and some of which brought tears to my eyes. Four months ago I wanted to leave this place. I took a two week break from noding. I stayed out of the catbox. My name dropped off ascorbic's hall of shame. A couple people sent me messages asking if I was okay. It’s hard for me to admit that I’ve made mistakes. I have a tendency to take myself too seriously. I have a broad paranoid streak and back then I thought it was important that people thought well of me.

Today I realize that not everyone is going to get along all of the time. Instead of being in the catbox trying to change the way people talk and the topics of conversation I’ve decided to distance myself from it. I still like the catbox, this has nothing to do with anyone in particular but when it stops being fun I have to walk away from things that I used to enjoy. Five months ago I had just started a new job. Most of you encouraged me. Two people in particular helped me and I’d like to thank those people who listened to me agonizing about what to wear to my interview. One of those people gave me some great life advice. Believing in yourself isn’t a new concept but there are people who can present things as attainable ideas. I didn’t believe in myself then but I do now and this place has had something to do with that.

Four months ago I bought myself a new black shirt. I remember thinking that I didn’t have the money to spend. Looking back I can’t believe that was what I was worried about. I didn’t know then that I’d be in a car accident on my way to work. I had no idea that my daughter’s ear drums would burst or my husband would pass out on a plane traveling down to Florida. Five months ago I had no idea I would get sick on a plane. I never pictured myself being stranded at the airport with two small children who were crying for their father. Like most things in life it did work out. We missed our plane by five minutes because our boarding passes had the wrong gate printed on them. Planes don’t normally leave early but that one did. It could have been a lot worse but for a couple minutes I was worried I’d be stuck in the Atlanta airport overnight.

Six months ago I didn’t understand how this place worked. Everything was new and foreign to me. I liked the idea of meeting new people, the catbox was the place I met most of the friends I have today. Seven months ago I was considering going back to school. I am currently four semesters away from a nursing degree. One of my sisters is a nurse. I wanted the structure of school but the problem of who would watch my children when I was gone was an issue for me. It was still an issue when I went back to work in June. I was unbelievably scared of getting a job and joining the workforce after a seven year absence. Now I know that getting a job was good for me just like writing Electrolyte imbalance was good for me.

I joined E2 after my niece’s uncle had committed suicide. Aerobe's writeup about catching the bus was one of the first things I read after I joining. Mentally, attitudinally and emotionally I have come a long way since then. I have alternately loved and loathed this place. Individually I have met people with hearts. As a collective group I still find this site hostile. Right now I miss how much fun E2 used to be but E2 hasn't changed. I have. Change is a part of life. One hundred writeups into the system I’m looking back and wishing that life’s lessons didn’t have to come at a price I was not expecting to pay. Being here has helped me become a better writer. I still enjoy reading what others have posted, I used to read everything that went down the new writeup list but thanks to Dreamvirus and his contest that is currently not an option considering I have limited time to spend here.

If you’ve been a factor in helping me change I would like to take this opportunity to thank you. Even if you are a malicious softlinker or a serial downvoter who has me on ignore. That is your right, you should not have to put up with people who make your user experience less than ideal and if I’m one of the people making things unpleasant for you I apologize for that. I’m finding it difficult to write about how I feel. I understand that I can’t be an agent of change. I can only be myself and contribute in the ways I currently understand. If this place has taken things from me it’s because I was too eager to give. I tried too hard to fit into a system I didn’t have a place in and now that I have a place I’m not sure I want it anymore.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, maybe it’s time for me to take a break from E2 interaction. I would still like to finish the Iron Noder Challenge. I think I can do it even though right now I don’t have a single idea of what to write next. Preparing nodes in advance was a good idea because now I’m going to have work more since I fired someone who worked approximately 20 hours a week. I’d like to leave you with something inspirational but I want to be honest. Right now I can honestly say that getting to know you noders fucking sucked but I still love most of you because of the people you are. Like someone once said to me: Thanks for being you.