Very common to the area it was named after, one of the most affluent to be found in Pennsylvania, Main Line Pedestrian's Disease is a baffling condition seen in residents of the towns along Philadelphia's Main Line. Presentation of MLPD is easily recognized. The patient is witnessed making the telltale maneuver, walking blindly out into heavy traffic on Route 30, the main road connecting the entire Main Line. No acknowledgment of the fast-traveling cars is made, for the patient is intent on getting to his or her next luxury purchase, charity function, or children's athletic tournament. Usually the patient's vision is compromised by excessively large sunglasses, and there are the usual encumbrances of designer shoes and handbags, as well as the demands of the ever-present frustrating cell phone conversation. An additional visual handicap of those suffering from MLPD is found in their inability to see vehicles that are not made by specific luxury companies before a certain year. These specifics vary from patient to patient.
MLPD is most often seen in wealthy, middle-aged white persons, but recently there has been a new strain discovered amongst persons who reside at the opposite end of the economic spectrum. It is thought that these new cases have appropriated the disease after witnessing and appreciating the power assumed by the traditional sufferers through their symptomatic behavior. This new strain can be differentiated not only by class but by a slight change in the method, as these victims tend to cross two of the four lanes of Route 30 and then wait calmly on the yellow line to continue across, whereas the traditional presentation does not involve any stopping midway for any reason.
There is no cure for this disease, but non-affected Main Line residents are all too aware of this plague on their community and are careful to stop when a person seeming to be impaired by MLPD approaches the road. This perhaps explain why, as dangerous as Main Line Pedestrian's Disease appears to be, it has never once been reported as fatal.