Like many people, I happen to think that the
TV show Big Brother is wearing a little thin now. Fear not! I have a plan to liven things up. Dressed in
invisible clothes, I shall scale the vast walls of the Big Brother
enclosure and deposit a
chimp into the grounds. This chimp will be like any other adorable
nappy-wearing chimp... except for a strap of
bullets around its shoulder and an intense love of the sound of
gunfire! It will have plenty of opportunity to indulge this odd
desire as it will carry a large
Colt .45 wherever it goes. Imagine, one day soon on British TV...
Announcer (cheery northern accent): Day six in the Big Brother house, and things aren't going too well. Four of the contestants are in critical condition, dying of gunshot wounds. The rest of the contestants are hiding from the chimp.
The camera switches to the main room where the remaining contestants are screaming and running to the diary room for shelter. The sound of gunfire fills the air, and the chimp leaps around screeching, destroying ornaments and firing wildly in all directions.
In the diary room, everyone is huddled together, whimpering and sobbing. "Please!" they beg. "We all want to vote the chimp out! Please!"
Indifferent voice of Big Brother: The chimp cannot be voted out.
The chimp leaps around excitedly until it reaches the diary room door, where it overhears them plotting its demise. The chimp slowly winds down, the smile disappears from its face. It stands there perfectly still, gun in hand, waiting.
The door opens. The contestants slowly sneak out. There is a gasp as they see the chimp standing perfectly still, deadly serious expression, gun pointing at them.
BANG! BANG BANG!