Once upon a midnight dreary I sat upon a toilet, weary
Pondering whilst my eyes were bleary why I must endure this chore.
As I sat in the bathroom crapping suddenly there came a tapping
I heard behind me something cracking which my attention soon did draw.
"What is this?" I muttered softly. "Will something broken be in store?
"No, 'tis the pipes and nothing more."
While I watched the toilet flushing, in awe at thundrous waters rushing
Then with fright I saw them gushing, spilling on my chamber floor.
I rushed in terror to the cistern, cursing this infernal system
And saw inside unholy pistons work their wretched flushing lore.
"'Tis not right," I muttered, "this is not the normal flushing lore!
"'Tis overflowing, nothing more."
I perceived the waters stopped not flowing, the rushing sewage was not slowing
And shaking looked inside unknowing what this cursed cistern bore.
I saw the ballcock was not cocking, the cistern's foul machine was mocking
Within its porclein tomb 'twas mocking me and chilled my very core.
"What is this!" I cried out. "Such a flood I never saw!
"The waters creep on evermore!"
Being thus a mere newcomer I then resolved to call a plumber
And being in the height of summer I ran naked whilst indoors.
Merely minutes after calling, sewage through my ceiling falling
Suddenly there came befalling a tapping at my chamber door.
"When will this madness end?" I let cry in an anguished roar.
"Ah! 'Tis the plumber, nothing more."
I ran to my front door in madness, greeting him with fervent gladness
And saw upon his face great sadness and a harrowed fear not seen before.
I had forgotten my sad state, and this remembered all too late
My naked body dripping sewage any man would now deplore.
"Please come into my house my friend!" I loudly did implore.
Quoth the plumber "Nevermore!"