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I am not making these up.

What I have to date observed re Anti-Aging Clinics:

1. You will pay cash. Medicare does not pay to anti-age you. Perhaps you should complain to Congress.

2. You will have laboratory work every three to four months. Your blood will be drawn at the Anti-Aging Clinic. Lots of laboratory work. All sorts of hormone tests and stuff. You will pay cash for the laboratory work which is done by the Anti-Aging Doctor's Clinic.

3. You will meet with the Anti-Aging Doctor to go over the labs. You will pay cash. You will see that some of the laboratory tests are not in the normal range*. The Anti-Aging Doctor will suggest supplements and possibly prescriptions.

4. You will be able to buy the supplements from the Anti-Aging Clinic or from an on-line website that will send you helpful emails even as it sends a kickback to your Anti-Aging Doctor for every supplement you buy. The helpful emails will suggest more supplements.

4. Your Anti-Aging Doctor will suggest that you get a primary care doctor because the Anti-Aging Doctor only works to prevent aging. They want you to have a primary care doctor in case you have an illness other than aging.

What I wonder about the people going to Anti-Aging Clinics:

1. What is your goal? (Are you following the intelligent designer's plan?)

2. Have you signed a will?

3. Would you like to have your entire body or head frozen for future reanimation just in case Anti-Aging fails you?

4. You've been paying to Anti-Age for 10 years. Is it working?

*normal range: ok, the normals are set for labs based on percentages, one of those evil bell curves that you've tried to forget. The settings are usually from the 5th% to the 95%. Therefore 10% of the normal people will have a value outside the "normal" range yet still be normal. If you do enough labs, you can find something that is "outside the normal" range and sell the person a supplement. Isn't that great for the economy?

For Iron Noder: Tokyo Drift