display | more...

"So, what shall we get?"

The kids and I are looking at the overhead menu in the repurposed McDonald's.

"Smoker antibodies," says my son, grinning. He knows very well that the antibodies that protect smokers from lung cancer and the ones that allow drinkers to consume very large amounts of alcohol and metabolize it fast without getting cirrhosis are quite illegal under age 21.

"Try again," I say.

"Dad and I are going to play golf. I want Tiger Woods antibodies. Surprise, dad."

"Your stamina will go down." The Tiger Woods antibodies will displace his own endurance antibodies. Some do, some don't. I have really really sticky tubulin blocker antibodies and the lab is still trying to figure out something that will displace them. Meanwhile, I avoid infection and stress.

"No worries," says my son.

"What do you want?" I say to the IT.

She is looking coldly at the menu. Her expression means concentration, not anger. "Nothing." she says. She barely drinks tea. She won't do ANY substances that mess with her. Smart young woman.

"Yeah, me neither." My antibodies are enough of a pain in the ass. The dopamine ones have proved very helpful for dispelling brain fog in some people, but they are pretty dangerous and available by prescription only. You need cardiac testing first because they WILL make you tachycardic and also use too much and it's rather like methamphetamines. Sort of natural except now they are making them in a laboratory. Depends on how you define natural.

We put in the order, along with a latte for me and a hot chocolate for the IT. My son holds out his arm for the sub-cutaneous spray. "Ow," he says loudly, though we know he's messing with us. "Look, it's the wrong one, I'm morphing into the HULK." He puffs up and glowers over us. The IT is unimpressed and reaches past him for her hot chocolate. "You're in the way," she says.

"Do you think dad will show up with something?" asks my son.

"Yep," I say. Last time it was Taylor Swift antibodies: he sang Shake it off for the first, 5th and 11th holes. The golf course threatened to kick him off and he switched: he sang every other song he knew. In Taylor Swift style with dancing. Try not to visualize it. You can't unsee things, sorry.