Illusion of Friendship (idea)

I left the first group of solid and caring friends I had 10 months ago due to illness and a disagreement with the university's administration. Less than twenty-four hours passed between the time I was informed (perhaps strongly suggested) that I should take a year's leave of abscence and the time I finished packing up my dorm room and left (Housing gives residents one day to get their stuff out and leave). In that time, two of my friends that found out first from me were able to get out the word. In less than six hours we (well, mostly them) emptied my room in an orderly fashion, took everything downstairs, hopped in a cab with my father and left for an indefinite and constantly growing time.

By the end of the day that I left, a few rumors had spread through the dorm (pop. ~80) that, 1), I had a terminal disease (partially true), and G-d knows what else. At that point I found out who really cared. People emailed and called. Three months later, people were still emailing and calling. Today, those two friends who found out first and mobilized as soon as they could remain in close contact, as do people with whom I cultivated a greater friendship after I left.

My friendships have even survived rightful anger. Due to infatuation and self-deceit, I deluded myself into believing that one of my friends really cared, when, in reality he just communicated and spent time with me when it was convenient for him. At one point he asked my friends how I was doing as if he had better things to do than call or email me to find out for himself. He constantly apologized for his lack of communication, but never tried to correct his behavior. Despite this, I spent much time with him during the one weekend I visited my friends a few months ago instead of being with the people who had put so much time into planning the amazing surprise party they held for me and who had been there for me since I had left.

A few months later, one of my friends was having a really bad day when she answered my email and let me know exactly how she and some of my other friends felt about my behavior that weekend and my blind feelings for him. His words hollowed out with time and my desire to make him a priority in my life, and therefore enable him to hurt me, waned. I decided that abusive relationships (there were more than hurtful words) had no place in the forefront of my life. It took my little sister, who had no idea how my friends felt, and a friend who was the object of an infatuated ex to make me realize the truth.

And you know what? All those people who stuck by me and became angry with me are still my loyal friends. Not only did they stand by me, but they completely disassociated themselves from him. I never asked them to do that. They did so as they saw the way in which he treated me and they slwoly lost respect for him as a peer and as someone who deserved the attention of a friend of theirs.

So there it is. Friends:

• Don't give up;
• Don't give in;
• Love you as a family member and will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and sound, no matter where you are;
• Stay close to you when you are thousands of miles away;
• Stay close when you are five blocks away;

Discovering who is and who is not your friend is one of the more painful things we will go through in life. In a way, it is like putting an impure substance in a fire to burn off the impurities: The process is painful and the wounds will take time to heal, but you are much better off afterwards.