I've never been so
sad and
helpless in all of my life. No
girl, no
God, no
guilt has ever gotten to me the way being next to my
grandmother is doing to me now. Right now in her room with her, I feel the
urge to burst out with,
"You've got cancer." But I
fail to do so because I have been instructed to do
otherwise. A
hug, a
smile, a
laugh, a simple
look from her will send me to tears. My
defense is laying here on the bed and writing this (on paper).
"I love you grandmother," the words
cease to
escape.
"I love you grandmother! I love you!" I mouthed the words,
why is it so hard for me? I spent time with her, she's going to a
hospital about 8 hours away from here soon.
Had "lunch" with my ex, though I just rode in her corvette and we talked inside. Apparently I didn't want to listen so my ex left, but when questioned, my ex said that there was something to be done before and that's why she was leaving. Damn her...