Nothing will touch my daughter(s).
I was that dirty little prick.
I am the lord of lies and deceit.
My female offspring shall remain chaste until menopause.
The mangled corpses of would-be boyfriends, gawkers, peeping toms and male schoolteachers suspected of dropping the pencil in class will be buried neatly in rows in my backyard.
I will make a dreaded parent simply because I will, in all probability, still think like a child. I will make sure all late night escape routes are sealed off, diaries will be parsed weekly, drawers will be inspected for sex toys and condoms, all house guests will be frisked for drug paraphernalia and children will never be taken at their word for they are want to lie on occasion.