And now for a comical parody of Manics history. Since I love them to death, I feel justified in making fun of them. Thus, I give you...
Manic Street Preachers: A Five Minute Stage Play
Once upon a time…
(
Nicky and
Richey hold hands and run around skipping)
Nicky and Richey: La la la la la la! Happiness! We are very happy! Childhood is good.
Richey: I don’t like girls very much.
Nicky: Me either.
(sex stuff happens)
Nicky: I’m going to follow you to college now and sleep in your room.
Richey: Right, okay.
James: We need a new bass player.
Nicky: I can play bass. Richey could play guitar.
James: … he doesn’t play guitar.
Nicky: I’ll teach him.
James: But we already have me as a guitarist—
Nicky: He’s hot and writes lyrics and gives good head!
James: …
Nicky: Pretty please?
James: The things I put up with.
Nicky: Yay!
Richey: Let’s make out in all the videos so everyone thinks we’re fucking!
Nicky: … aren’t we?
Richey: That’s beside the point.
Nicky: So yeah, I think I’m probably in love with you.
Richey: Gah!
Religious guilt!
Love is a lie!
Nicky: Fine then. (
marries girl)
Richey: Fuck you! Love is a lie! Stupid experimental bisexual people! I hate you!
Nicky: It’s your own damn fault.
Richey: It’s because I’m not a girl, right? What if I were a girl? I wish I were a girl. I’d beat up your evil wife.
James and
Sean: …
Richey: Now I’m going to write songs about how mean you are.
(writes
Revol,
Yes,
Mausoleum,
She is Suffering, etc.)
Media: Wow, what powerful political statements!
Richey: Now I’m going to
starve myself and go insane.
Nicky: Gah! I’m sorry I’m sorry!
Sean: What’s going on?
Nicky: Nothing. Everything’s
peachy.
James: What are all these lyrics about—
Nicky:
POLITICS! And
WAR! It’s all about falling between the cracks of
capitalism and
communism! And being sexually – I mean, religiously – confused!
James: Uh huh.
(Richey has period of reflection in decaying
mental hospital ward)
Richey: Screw this.
(disappears)
Nicky:
WTF?
Richey: Oh, by the way,
I love you. Yeah,
like that. (leaves note)
Nicky: (reads note) YOU ASSHOLE!
(Media attributes note to ‘mystery girl’)
Richey, somewhere in
Middle America: Morons.
Nicky: Dude, this is fucked up.
(writes
Further Away,
Sepia,
Design for Life,
Enola/Alone, etc.)
Good lyric fodder though.
James: We could try playing without Richey.
Nicky: No!
James: Dude.
Nicky: (sniffles) But we have to use his leftover lyrics!
James: Er, okay.
Nicky: And I know we’ve never done a
love song before, but here’s one.
James: …
Nicky: And this is another one. It’s
not gay. Nope. Completely and totally heterosexual.
James: …
just one man giving another man his liquid.
Sean: Okay, but on
the next album—
Nicky: Hey, I just finished a bunch of tragic lyrics about how I still love Richey! Cool huh?
Sean: Er.
James: Okay, but on
the next album—
Nicky: Guys! I stopped writing about Richey! For real this time! I’m totally over him.
Sean: Really?
Nicky: Yeah, see all I had to do was use all kinds of metaphors and hard words and it looks like I’m talking about something else.
James: …
Media: Wow, what powerful political statements!
Nicky: Fuck.
Writer’s block.
(Manics release
multiple compilations)
James: Dude. This isn’t working. Just write about Richey already.
Nicky: But I’m so over him!
James: Dude.
Media: So what’s this lyric about?
Nicky:
Richard Nixon. And Richey.
Media: And this one?
Nicky: Richey.
Media: And this?
Nicky: Oh that one’s REALLY about Richey.
James: At least he’s admitting it now.
The End.