Dear Heather,
I haven't felt the urge to write anything like this for quite a long time now. I'd guess probably a few years. Maybe I haven't been inspired. Maybe it takes the right person to inspire me. Well, I know for sure that you're the right person - I love you with all my heart and just wish to hell that this God awful situation we're in wasn't happening. Three children between us and no home for them, let alone ourselves. I feel so ashamed and helpless over the whole thing but I admire the strength and courage you've shown, even before you met me, years before. Lord only knows how you coped back then, but you did and I'm glad you did. That's why I love you so. I still don’t know how you cope with this, day in, day out. You must certainly have more strength inside you than me.
I sat back today and started to muse on my thoughts of the past year. I watched the cat, Pingu, sleeping in the corner of the dining room on top of my bag. He looked calm and peaceful there. He was in a tranquil place for sure. It’s hard to believe that he’s going on ten years old now. I remember holding him as a kitten; he would fit entirely on the palm of my hand. Anyway, I digress... What I really started thinking about was how fast this year and a bit has seemed to have gone, since meeting you for the first time. I remember the first time I saw you. I thought to myself that you could be it, THE person. I could see a future with you right from the start. You don't know how good it feels to be right about that! I wonder, has it all passed you by in a blur too?
I often feel my head pounding when I start to think about everything that we’ve been through – the court case with him, harassment (and those constant trips to the police station), the council, caring for the children, preparing for the arrival of Liam, seeking a place to live, my job and so much more, let alone actually trying to have a relationship for ourselves! Doesn’t that say something to you? It does to me...
I don’t want this to be one of those piles of drivel about how much I need you, how much I love you, how much I can't live without you and so on... You’ve had too much of that before us anyway. And I know that you know how I feel. We only have to look each other in the eyes to realise you know, and to realise that you have a love inside you that runs deep for me too. I feel it every time we touch. Every time you call my name. I am still amazed that you can bring yourself to feel love after everything that’s happened to you. Most people I know would be in one hell of a mess after suffering even a moment of that. Your strength of character amazes me. It always will. I just hope that I can be the partner, no, the husband, that you deserve. I think I have a lot to live up to. My heart aches when I hold you. I can feel the pain inside you, I can sense it. It makes a tear hang inside my soul. I want to take that pain away. I’d do anything to take the pain away – the one thing I know I can’t do for you. You’re the one who's got to do that and all I can do is be there with you when you do. I promise I will be there.
I’m excited. Are you? I’m excited about us, in case you’re wondering. I’m excited about our relationship and how much stronger it gets every time we touch, kiss, embrace or make love. Do you feel it too? I’m excited about how it doesn’t seem that we can’t stop getting better and better together. I never thought it was possible. Finding love is one of those things we’re not supposed to do, only people in the films and books do that. Well, that’s what I thought anyway, and I have been proven wrong. I love you and I love your
children and our son. It’s as simple as that. I want to see those kids grow up into great people. I know they will. I know you’re the best mother in the world to them, I only had to spend a little time with them to realise that. They are truly fantastic and I love them dearly. I can’t wait to see what the future holds. Do you ever wonder what we’ll be doing in ten years from now? The children will be growing up
fast... nearly adults. Doesn’t that amaze you? I know it amazes me. Without sounding corny, I have to say that we’ve only just begun. There’s so much behind us, but still far to go. Who knows what awaits us? All I know for certain is that we’ll be there together when we find out. Let's see what's out there!
All my love,
Neil.