i wish i could live off a pill. i hate making decisions about eating. just 1200 perfectly balanced calories in a gel-tab. reserve real food for special occasions. the occasional steak-and-asparagus-a-la-craig.

is this weird? when i think about it, it doesn't seem so odd. i am terribly indecisive and this is just a facet of that. how much and what are just right for healthy living? is this node a sign of an obsession?

i am so angry. some ultra-trendy people i know are fasting. they're waving the golden fleece just out of my reach. in the past six years that my family has known about my freakish problems with food, i've had the message pounded into my head that it's bad bad bad. i know what my hipster friends would say about it. it's not bad unless taken to an extreme. but i consider his goal of a one month fast to be pretty extreme. i have a strange desire to physically hurt him in some way, though i don't really understand why. i don't know if i'm angry that he supplied the devil on my shoulder saying "do it" to counter the angel saying "don't" or if i'm jealous of him.

i saw in the new nodes nodelet something along the lines of would you know if you were insane?, but i've not read it because i don't know the answer and am a bit hesitant to read anyone elses theories on it. i don't want to know.

in the morning i'll probably feel retarded that i wrote this; so quickly my moods change. i'm going to go try to sleep this off.