Anyone who's ever owned a
textbook knows that they float around from person to
person, as there are countless other students with the same book. They all look alike, and it's not uncommon to open what you thought was your textbook and see someone elses name in there. It happens all the time. A few days ago, I opened my grammer book and found this message:
"Sam Duncan. That's right. This book belongs to Sam Duncan. Both legally and emotionally. So if you find yourself in possession of this book, you're both a criminal and a cretin. Sure, you could keep this book. Hey, I'll never know about it. You're probably thinking: 'Bah! He can't care that much about this book, 'cus he hasn't asked me if I've seen it lying around.' Well, I reckon it'd be pretty damn useless walking around asking every single damn person if they'd seen a spare Oxford French Reference Grammar book lying around. But I can assure you, until you give me back my book, I'll be getting a detention a week for being ill-prepared for my lessons. And as I said before, by keeping this book you're putting a good relationship on hold, 'cus me and this book are like *that*. We just click. We're damn near soul-mates. So come on, you indolent depraved munchkin, spend the 15 minutes finding my locker and give me back my goddamn book, 'cus it ain't yours. And unless you do, you'll go to hell. Honest. Trust me. I've tried. I too used to be an asshole who didn't return textbooks to their rightful owners. But after an incident with a big horny elephant, I saw the error of my ways. Damn, maybe I should stop using this excuse to not do my homework and just get started. Otherwise I'll be up all night."
I was too scared to go anywhere near this guy.