Father, it has been many a day since my last log. Fortunately, I haven't cared enough to sin... but what is sin, anyway? I digress...
I've been fulfilling my life's goal. I've been doing nothing. I sit around and play retarded computer games, play guitar constantly, and hit a practice pad with two drum sticks (I'm actually taking lessons- holy shit!). Other than that, I watch TV and sleep a lot. I don't work. I've long since dropped my classes. I hardly talk to my friends. I'm seeing a psychologist, who has told my mom not to put any pressure on me to do anything. I think he's pretty fucking awesome to do that for me. Life has been pretty sweet without any responsability.
If it gets to the point where I'm actually forced to do anything I don't want to do, there's a damn good chance I would kill myself. I can't say that I would for sure, because you can never know, unless you're in the actual situation. But I digress again...
It may seem selfish of me to not want to do anything. It may seem "wrong" that I don't get satisfaction from success and that I don't care about helping other people; I don't even care about other people. Not really, anyway. And if you don't care about doing anything and you don't care about others, then what else is there in life? Not a whole lot, my friends. Just yourself.
That brings to mind the question of why am I bothering to write about any of this... well, I don't have all the answers. I guess I hope that there's some chance that there is something wrong with me and that I actually am just like everyone else somehow. Maybe I really do care about people or about doing things besides just entertaining myself.
I wish it were true, but I grow more doubtful each day. That really doesn't matter, though, because I'm enjoying myself now.