yeah, it's one of those days.
fuck.
Yesterday I had a wonderful time with my friends.
I saw Emily. That alone would be reason for goodness.
We got to connect.
And then
shit went bad.
It turns out through my annoyingly paranoid mother, she's gathered a rough approximation of what happened. And of course, that lead to shouting and threatening and blah blah blah. There's gonna be a lot of that when I quote her (if i quote her) because quite frankly i don't give a shit about her input on the matter.
I'm 14. Almost (not quite) 15.
She'll be 18 soon.
So of course, she's the one that's too old and too corrupting (despite the fact that she's a virgin), and that any contact we'll have will *always* lead to sex. I love her, and i've seriously missed not being able to see her for the past several months... Must've been March since mom decided to "give her a chance" (meaning: paranoidly and suspiciously evaluate her, compare her to this golden "Standard of A Wonderful Girl For Mason" and blah blah blah) and let me see her. I got to see her three times. Once for less than 1/2 an hour. We met on the net; she lives not even half an hour away. Mom seems to feel that anyone I meet on the net is instantly a horrible sexual deviant child pornographer, and, of course, no man or woman i meet on the street is that way.
naivete and paranoia in equal doses.
doses, how ironic.
Of course, anything we do physically is seen as a
'corrupting-the-youth' style event. Mom came down the stairs and she was laying on top of me (both of us on our backs; we were watching TV); not as anything sexual --
just to be close to one another (we had seen each other a few times last year -- around this time of the year, really. I lost computer use for the summer and generally got royally pissed off. When I got the computer back we started talking again and I realized that
I really was in love with her.) This was something Mom didnt like -- it obviously meant sex!
And of course, my father walked in when we were doing
something else.
And I'm posting this here because the community'll not be able to see me for a while, probably.
Because my family doesn't understand; I don't know exactly how it happened, but they are so incredibly narrow-minded that they can't
see happiness.
Emily, I love you. I wish I'd've been able to tell you to your face one more time.
Mom, since I know you'll read this, blah blah blah. You didn't want me daylogging anymore. I obeyed most of the time. You
consistently insult this community when you don't
understand it. You need to get over your fear of everyone that uses the internet -- you use it too. Stop congratulating yourself and your ability to Fight the Evilness That Is Emily. She's a nice girl and she doesn't deserve the difficulties you're throwing at her constantly, with this "you can see him -- no you can't" bullshit. We'll see each other in three years, and in the interrim, you can do what you want to me but I'll do what I can to see her again.
Congratulations, you're so stuck in your ways that you're alienating your relatives. Hooray. I'll throw a party for you.
You need to realize that I am growing up. Regardless of what you want to think or do. I'm going to experience the world on my own terms, and however much you want to shield me from things i'll eventually find it. You seem to think that everything I do is about sex -- claiming that you "were young once". Maybe you were a robot or empty-headed bimbo growing up or maybe you don't remember it now but it's fully possible to love someone at this age. And regardless of your experience, people are. People now don't care about people then.
Deal with it.
UPDATE! As one can see, I'm not banned from the computer. Though I am banned from sseeing her. Which is worse, trust me.